I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Golf Professional

Former US and British Amateur Champion Steve Melnyk once said: "I never knew what top golf was like until I turned professional. Then it was too late." Clearly it takes a special kind of person to make it to the highest level of the game, but what are the qualities required? One leading professional answered us in song and invited us to join in the chorus.

Original words and music by Sir William Gilbert and Sir Arthur Sullivan

[If you would like musical accompaniment, please click here]
	[Orchestral introduction] PRO: I am the very model of a modern golf professional, I've played on every golf course from St Andrews to Congressional, I know the Rules of Golf by heart, I never need the referee, I understand golf etiquette and apply it impeccably; They say my execution of course management and strategy Makes me a likely winner every time I step up on the tee, The paying public loves me 'cos they say I've got a lot o' game, Which means if I can keep it going I've got a decent shot at fame. ALL: Which means if he can keep it going he's got a decent shot at fame. Which means if he can keep it going he's got a decent shot at fame. Which means if he can keep it going he's got a decent shot at shot at fame. PRO: I'm very good at reading greens and calculating yardages, I know from Annika that "Keep your head down" so much garbage is, In short, in matters golfing from St Andrews to Congressional, I am the very model of a modern golf professional. ALL: In short, in matters golfing from St Andrews to Congressional, He is the very model of a modern golf professional. PRO: I've played in all the majors from the Masters to the PGA, I travel the five continents by private jet - the only way, I keep my swing in perfect trim by going down to Leadbetter's, I'm slightly superstitious, I don't do white tees or red sweaters; I like to play percentage golf, I'm really not a gambler, Though when the need arises I'm a pretty solid scrambler! My critics say I'd win more if I was prepared to go for it, But when it all goes pear-shaped you've got sweet F.A. to show for it! ALL: But when it all goes pear-shaped you've got sweet F.A. to show for it! But when it all goes pear-shaped you've got sweet F.A. to show for it! But when it all goes pear-shaped you've got sweet F.A. to show to show for it! PRO: I got myself a mind guru to work on my psychology, But never underestimate the value of technology; In short, in matters golfing from St Andrews to Congressional, I am the very model of a modern golf professional. ALL: In short, in matters golfing from St Andrews to Congressional, He is the very model of a modern golf professional. PRO: I've gained a knowledge of technique from swing plane to trajectory, A list of golfing contacts that reads just like a directory, A tournament career that would make anyone a fine CV, Which all get me in big demand for regular prime-time TV. I've made a lot of money but I can't face up to leaner years, So when I reach the big 5-0 I'll clean up at the Seniors'! In short, I mean to leave my mark to make sure that the average Joe, Will say the Royal and Ancient game has never had a better pro. ALL: Will say the Royal and Ancient game has never had a better pro. Will say the Royal and Ancient game has never had a better pro. Will say the Royal and Ancient game has never had a better better pro. PRO: For all my major wins the record book still leaves me with one regret, To be called "great" you have to win the Grand Slam and I haven't yet, But still, in matters golfing from St Andrews to Congressional, I am the very model of a modern golf professional. ALL: But still, in matters golfing from St Andrews to Congressional, He is the very model of a modern golf professional.

For more songs from The Duffer's Songbook, please click here.