Gobra reveals undercover sponsorship and releases "The Ballad of Hal Sutton" to celebrate Ryder Cup win! September 21, 2004;  Source: AnyoneForTee Revolutionary underpants played crucial role in supporting European Ryder Cup players LONDON.  Gobra, the innovative British sports equipment manufacturer, played a key, if occult, role in the European Ryder Cup victory in Michigan, it was revealed at a press conference yesterday morning at Heathrow Airport to mark the team's return. All the European players were supplied with tailor-made Gobra golf underpants which, according to the company, provided unrivalled comfort and perfect balance during the 28 matches which took place over three days at Oakland Hills, near Detroit. "Golf is a game of pivotal movement around an axis," said Gobra Founder and Managing Director Joseph King (pictured right). "The better the balance of the golfer, the more perfectly rounded, on-plane and in-line the arc of the swing will be. Gobra underpants, by applying gentle mechanical support to counterbalance the body's natural tendancy to hang to the left or right, assist the golfer in making a balanced, repeatable swing." The 2004 Ryder Cup was not the first time the underpants have been used in competitive play, but it was the first team event to test the underwear. "This was a unique opportunity to prove the superiority of our underpants beyond all doubt," said Mr King. "Although we achieved wins in all four of golf's Major Championships in 2003, and have numerous titles on the PGA, Senior PGA and European tours to our credit, these were all individual performances, which certain garment manufacturers attributed to coincidence. The crushing margin of victory of the Europeans against a statistically superior American team has now demonstrated beyond refute that our patented underwear technology, while perfectly legal, is indeed performance enhancing." "The whole team would like to thank Mr King for his kind donation of underpants for the match," said European Captain Bernhard Langer (right, with Colin Montgomerie). "Although I was not playing, I myself and my Vice-Captains all wore them, and I can honestly say we have never been so comfortable on a golf course, despite the very long days of standing, walking and sitting. The Gobra underpants clearly gave us a winning edge over the Americans." As a further gesture of support to the winning team, Mr King announced that Gobra would be releasing a CD recording of the entire Ryder Cup squad singing "The Ballad of Hal Sutton", which has been serialised during the matches by Anyone For Tee. "I'd like there to be a lasting souvenir of this historic victory which all golfers can treasure at home," said Mr King. "We shall make three million copies of the CD and give them free of charge to golf clubs all over Europe to distribute to their members." King further revealed that because of the international nature of the Ryder Cup, the CD will also be offered through Duty Free shops worldwide, and will be previewed by that industry's leading business media, TheMoodieReport.com. Pending the release of the CD in approximately a fortnight, Anyone For Tee is happy to publish below the full three-part song to allow readers to partake in the victory spirit. To sing along, just click on the 'musical accompaniment' link at the top of Day One's song at the beginning of each new day. For further details about Gobra and its revolutionary products click here to visit the company website, and for sales or other enquiries, email Bonnie King on bonnie@gobra.co.uk, or contact your local Gobra distributor. I Am Failing - Day One Original music and lyrics by Gavin Sutherland [If you would like musical accompaniment, please click here] I am failing, I am failing, At home again, with my team. We are failing, at headquarters, On the greens and off the tee. They are flying, they are flying, Europe's golfers across the skies. Monty's flying, doing high fives, With his team-mates on the tee. Can you hear me? Lefty hear me? Through those dark woods, far away. I am crying, forever trying, To stop you hooking off the tee. Can you hear me? Tiger hear me? Through the crowd noise far away. I am dying, forever trying, To find a partner with whom you'll stay... We are sinking, Stewart's not sinking, The clutch putts we really need. The team is sinking, soon I'll be drinking, To forget this catastrophe. Oh Lord, to be near you, on the tee. Oh Lord, to be near you, on the tee. Oh Lord, to be near you, on the tee. Fred is flunking, Fred is flunking, On the greens, make no mistake. Fred is flunking, forever dunking, His approaches into the lake. [Music repeats here after a moment] Kenny's pairing, Kenny's pairing, Didn't work for all to see. 'Cos their foursome was not awesome, On the greens or off the tee. But there's Jay Haas - he was top class, With DiMarco, gave us hope. But the others, played like mothers, I felt like hanging Chad from a rope. Furyk's curious, I'm just furious, How he and Toms could lose the key To their game plans, they were shame plans, So they lost by five and three. Love was fading, Love was fading, There it was, for all to see. Played like Mavis, not like Davis, And his putts were Davis 'three'. We are failing, we are failing, At home again and all at sea. We are sailing into a slaughter, And our shame's live on NBC. Oh Lord, to be near you, on the tee. Oh Lord, to be near you, on the tee. Oh lord, to be near you, on the tee. Still it's day one, only day one, So there's hope for you and me. Things might look up, now Tiger's hooked up, With Chris Riley off the tee. I Am Failing - Day Two We are failing, we are failing, On Day Two it's real hard for me. In the morning, we were storming, And then along came misery. They're still flying, how they're flying, Europe's best from across the sea. Darren's chipping, no putts lipping, Westwood's firing off the tee. And young Casey, he's not fazed see, Just so bold and fancy free. Kicked Chad and Jim's butt with that last putt, All I feel is misery. During my lunch, had a big hunch, Tiger Woods was the man for me. Team him up with Love - fits just like a glove, But they crashed out by four and three. Clarke's so spindly, unlike McGinley, Eats lettuce leaves, just two a day. That's Darren's diet, we all should try it, But I-rish he'd just go away. Oh Lord, to be near you, on the tee. Oh Lord, to be near you, on the tee. Oh Lord, to be near you, on the tee. Westwood's best shots, Westwood's best shots, Left us staring admiringly. Haas was nifty, but over fifty, Just too old, it's plain to see. [Music repeats here after a moment] And young Donald, oh young Donald, All those putts that he has sunk. It was no fluke as that young Luke, Kicked the ass of Freddy Funk. Phil's not pumping, so I dumped him, He's got new clubs, what a klutz! Then the foursomes, played him with Dave Toms, He finally won, he made some putts. Where is Tiger, where's my Tiger? Why, he's lurking in the woods. That Chris Riley made him smiley, But him and Davis just weren't the goods. I had high hope, that we'd all cope, That my players all would gel. But they're duffing, what a stuffing, Now I'm in a living Hal. We are failing, we are failing, At home again and all at sea. We are sailing into a slaughter, And our shame's live on NBC. Oh Lord, to be near you, on the tee. Oh Lord, to be near you, on the tee. Oh lord, to be near you, on the tee. Now it's singles, how that tingles, Here's the game on which we thrive. But that scoreboard has us all awed, Europe 11, USA 5! I Am Ailing - Day Three I am ailing, I am ailing, I'm in pain for all to see. For Europe it was plain sailing, For America, just misery. Lost by nine points, no divine points, Just a trashing my team and me. We are shattered, really battered, Lost on days one, two and three. They were trying, really flying, Europe's finest, from across the sea. Monty's magic, but Phil was tragic, Now I'm here in misery. We are ailing, we are ailing, At home again yet all at sea. We have sailed into a slaughter, And our shame was on NBC. On the last day, on the fairway, Things were good but then turned bad. They did all miss, except Jim and Chris, Tiger Woods and swinging Chad. Oh Lord, to be near you, on the tee. Oh Lord, to be near you, on the tee. Oh Lord, to be near you, on the tee. Funk's game stunk and his skills shrunk, So did Kenny and Lefty too, Tiger fought well, but now for me Hal, It's a case of feeling blue! [Music repeats here after a moment] What went wrong then, all off song then? Major winners everywhere. But under pressure, they had our measure, And we folded, full of fear. Bernhard Langer dropped no clangers, Picked his team and got it right. Now I'll cry tears, for two long years, As I stare into the night. Back in Texas, this has wrecked us, My reputation blown away. Mrs Sutton's on the button, Says it's worse than being gay! Our selection needs correction, We need strong men, just like me. I might be barmy but I'd bring back Arnie, Even though he's 93. Now this huge mess is in the world's press, We've lost four of the last five. I'm retiring, they must be hiring Someone else to have a try. Oh Lord, to be near you, on the tee. Oh Lord, to be near you, on the tee. Oh Lord, to be near you, on the tee. We are ailing, we are ailing, At home again yet all at sea. We have sailed into a slaughter, And our shame was on NBC. For other Ryder Cup songs, click here for Colin Montgomerie, or here for Bernhard Langer. For other songs from The Duffer's Songbook, please click here.   Back to top      This page © Copyright 2004 by Duffersgolf