Colin Montgomerie

He hates to play badly, so he gets ill-tempered and storms off the course. Well, so do we. He's suffered a painful divorce and difficult dalliances with supermodels, and it pains us to see him missing the majors and struggling to get back into the world top 50. But he's a fighter who was once ranked world number two and was a seven time winner of the Order of Merit. Despite the fact that he can be the grumpiest man in golf, we love Monty.

Original music and lyrics by John Lennon and Paul McCartney

[If you would like musical accompaniment, please click here]
	Ah, he is such a lovely golfer... Ah, he is such a lovely golfer... Colin Montgomerie scowls at the press when he's just shot a seventy-three, Scares his caddie. Look at him frowning, wearing the face that he keeps for the hecklers and hacks, Can't he relax? Such a lovely golfer, He used to be so strong. Such a lovely golfer, Where did it all go wrong? Colin Montgomerie had to divorce from his wife 'cause he was so intense, Does it make sense? Now he is single, dating a model is not quite as cool as it seems, All tears and screams. Such a lovely golfer, He used to be so strong. Such a lovely golfer, Where did it all go wrong? Ah, he is such a lovely golfer... Ah, he is such a lovely golfer... Colin Montgomerie has to earn more points by playing in every event, But is he spent? Got to keep trying, working his way up the rankings to where it is safe, Fiftieth place. Such a lovely golfer, He used to be so strong. Such a lovely golfer, Where did it all go wrong?