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The Ballad of Colin Montgomerie
(As sung by iconic - and explosive - Ryder Cup figure Colin Montgomerie,
as he reflects on the 2004 event)

Original music and lyrics by John Lennon and Paul McCartney

Jawohl, Bernhard!
[If you would like musical accompaniment, please click here]

Standing in the queue with my golf bag,
Checking in to fly to Detroit.
The girl in the hat said, "You'll have to check that.
You know we'll do our best not to destroy it."
Christ you know it ain't easy,
Being on the Ryder Cup team,
The way things are shaping
They're going to make me blow steam.

Finally made the plane into Michigan,
Found my hotel down by the lake
Bernhard Langer called me,
"How you doing Monty?
You gotta play well, there's just so much at stake."
Christ you know it ain't easy,
Being on the Ryder Cup team,
The way things are shaping,
They're going to make me blow steam.

Drove from Detroit to the Oakland Hills golf course,
Talking to the press on the range.
The newspapers asked, "Do you feel up to the task?"
I said "Piss off, I've got to go and get changed."
Christ you know it ain't easy,
Being on the Ryder Cup team,
The way things are shaping,
They're going to make me blow steam.

Saving all your best shots for the Ryder Cup,
Giving up your marriage for the game,
Remember the wife said,
Colin, when you're dead,
You don't take titles with you
Just your soul - think!

Made a lightning trip to the bathroom,
Had to take a leak in a rush.
The newspapers said, "His nerves are in shreds,
He looks like Mrs Doubtfire - but shush!""
Christ you know it ain't easy,
Being on the Ryder Cup team,
The way things are shaping,
They're going to make me blow steam.

Caught an early plane back to London,
Lost the Cup, me and my peers.
The men from the press said, "It's just too much stress,
It was always going to end up in tears."
Christ you know it ain't easy,
Being on the Ryder Cup team,
The way things are shaping,
They're going to make me blow steam.
The way things are shaping,
They're going to make me blow steam.


European Ryder Cup Captain Bernhard Langer has also been moved to song by the imminent great contest. To share in his vision of this year's match, click here.

For more songs from The Duffer's Songbook, please click here.
 
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