Rhythm is best expressed in any swing directed at a cigar stump or a dandelion head.
Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is playing golf.
They say "practice makes perfect". Of course, it doesn't. For the vast majority of golfers it merely consolidates imperfection.
For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.
Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease.
There's something intrinsically therapeutic about choosing to spend your time in a wide, open, park-like setting that non-golfers can never truly understand.
I've heard people say putting is 50 percent technique and 50 percent mental. I really believe it is 50 percent technique and 90 percent positive thinking, see, but that adds up to 140 percent, which is why nobody is 100 percent sure how to putt.
Chi Chi Rodriguez
I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing. Now I go to the driving range
to practice slicing without swearing.
In my opinion, no young player can develop his or her game to its highest potential if he or she rides around the course in a golf cart.
For what [Ben] Hogan meant, it's the old story. For those who know golf, no explanation is necessary. For those who don't, no explanation is possible.
The Royal Hong Kong Club caddies hit the nail on the head; their term for golf - "Hittee ball, say damn".
In golf, you keep your head down and follow through. In the vice presidency, you keep your head up and follow through. It's a big difference.
Former US Vice President Dan Quayle
I played golf with a priest the other day. He shot par-par-par-par-par. Finally I said to him, "Father, if you're playing golf like this you haven't been saving many souls lately."
The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green.
I have a tip that will take five strokes off anyone's game. It's called an eraser.
In golf, humiliations are the essence of the game.
When five up express, as is polite, regret at laying a stymie, but rejoice in your heart.
Sir Walter Simpson
Until you play it, St Andrews looks like the sort of real estate you couldn't give away.
The niblick, with its heavy head of iron, is a capital club for knocking down solicitors.
If you wish to hide your character, do not play golf.
There is one thing in this world that is dumber than playing golf. That is watching someone else playing golf. What do you actually get to see? Thirty-seven guys in polyester slacks squinting at the sun. Doesn't that set your blood racing?
Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. What child does not grasp the pleasure principle of miniature golf? Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
At first a golfer excuses a dismal performance by claiming bad lies. With experience, he covers up with better ones.
Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots.
Dr Bob Rotella
Those who the gods seek to destroy first, learn how to play golf.
Rock-a-bye, baby - 'til father comes home;
Father's off golfing and mother's alone;
He phoned me this morning - he wanted his cleek;
Perhaps he'll be home again, sometime next week.
"Mother Goose on the Links" (1909)
You need a fantastic memory in this game to remember the great shots and a very short memory to forget the bad ones.
Serenity is knowing that your worst shot is still going to be pretty good.
Swinging at daisies is like playing electric guitar with a tennis racket: if it were that easy, we could all be Jerry Garcia. The ball changes everything.
You can't call it a sport. You don't run, jump, you don't shoot, you don't pass. All you have to do is buy some clothes that don't match.
Around a clubhouse they'll tell you even God has to practise his putting. In fact, even Nicklaus does.
A golf course is nothing but a poolroom moved outdoors.
I'd play every day if I could. It's cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart.
God said to Faldo, as He once said to Nicklaus, "You will have the skills like no other." Then he whispered to Ballesteros, as he whispered to Palmer, "But they will love you more."
Imagine the ball has little legs, and chop them off.
A well-adjusted man is one who can play golf as if it were a game.
You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do.
Let's face it, 95 percent of this game is mental. A guy plays lousy golf, he doesn't need a pro, he
needs a shrink.
I never knew what top golf was like until I turned professional. Then it was too late.
A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood.
No-one will ever have golf under his thumb. No round ever will be so good it could not have been better. Perhaps this is why golf is the greatest of games. You are not playing a human adversary; you a playing a game. You are playing old man par.
Some people say I play erratic golf. What they mean is I frequently play lousy.
I compare the pressure of a golf shot with making an extra point in basketball. The player starts from a full stop, and that rim doesn't move.
Thinking instead of acting is the number one golf disease.
No matter what calamities befall him in everyday life, the true hacker [he means 'Duffer' - Ed] still needs the pressure and inconvenience of four hours of trudging in wind or rain or sleet or sun (or all of them at once), hacking at a white pellet that seems to have a mind of its own and a lousy sense of direction.
Hole in One: an occurence in which a ball is hit directly from the tee into the hole in a single shot by a golfer playing alone.
Henry Beard and Roy McKie
It's so bad I could putt off a tabletop and still leave the ball halfway down the leg.
My golf is improving. Yesterday I hit the ball in one!
I've thrown or broken a few clubs in my day. In fact, I guess at one time or another I probably held distance records for every club in the bag.
The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of
the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes.
Whoever plays ball with a club shall be fined 20 shillings or their upper garment.
The Magistrate of Brussels, 1360
While, on the whole, playing through the green is the part most trying to the temper, putting is that most trying to the nerves. There is always the hope that a bad drive may be redeemed by a fine approach shot, or that a 'foozle' with the brassy may be balanced by some brilliant performance with the iron. But when the stage of putting-out has been reached no further illusions are possible.
While it is true that some amateur golfers are unwittingly or unwillingly duped, badgered, or coerced into playing a round of golf, an incredible 97 per cent of the dummies actually report to the first tee on a voluntary basis.
The only way of really finding out a man's true character is to play golf with him. In no other walk of life does the cloven hoof so quickly display itself.
Eighteen holes of match or medal play will teach you more about your foe than will eighteen years of dealing with him across a desk.
The object of a bunker or trap is not only to punish a physical mistake, to punish lack of control, but also to punish pride and egotism.
Charles Blair Macdonald
Baseball reveals character; golf exposes it.
Hitting a golf ball and putting have nothing in common. They're two different games. You work all your life to perfect a repeating swing that will get you to the greens, and then you have to try to do something that is totally unrelated. There shouldn't be any cups, just flag sticks. And then the man who hit the most fairways and greens and got closest to the pins would be the tournament winner.
A good player who is a great putter is a match for any golfer. A great hitter who cannot putt is a match for no one.
When a putter is waiting his turn to hole out a putt of one or two feet in length, on which the match hangs at the last hole, it is of vital importance that he think of nothing. At this supreme moment he ought to fill his mind with vacancy. He must not even allow himself the consolation of religion.
Sir Walter Simpson (The Art of Golf)
The more you play it the less you know about it.
Handicap: an allocation of strokes on one or more holes that permits two golfers of very different ability to do equally poorly on the same course.
Henry Beard and Roy McKie
Golf is a science, the study of a lifetime, in which you can exhaust yourself but never your subject.
When the great snooker player Joe Davis saw his first game of golf the putting puzzled him. 'Why', he asked his golfing friend, 'don't they knock the ball into the hole the first time?'.
When you play the game for fun, it's fun. When you play it for a living, it's a game of sorrows.
Excessive golfing dwarfs the intellect. Nor is this to be wondered at when you consider that the more fatuously vacant the mind is, the better for play. It has been observed that absolute idiots play the steadiest.
Sir Walter Simpson
Golf was invented by some Scotsman who hit a ball, with a stick, into a hole in the ground. The game today is exactly the same, except that it now takes some ninety-odd pages of small type to ensure that the ball is hit, with the stick, into the hole in the ground without cheating.
Golf is golf. You hit the ball, you go find it. Then you hit it again.
The bunker should be the fearful place it once was, not the perfect surface from which a pro expects to float his ball out stone dead, something he doesn't expect when chipping.
Where I play, the greens always break toward the bar.
I was lying ten and had a thirty-five foot putt. I whispered over my shoulder: "How does this one
break?" And my caddie said, "Who cares?"
I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
The worst club in my bag is my brain.
Tennis is not in use amongst us, but in lieu of that, you have that excellent recreation of goff-ball than which truly I do not know a better.
The Marquis of Argyll, 1661
It is a test of temper, a trial of honour, a revealer of character. It means going into God's out of doors, getting close to nature, fresh air and exercise, a sweeping of mental cobwebs and a genuine relaxation of tired tissues.
A hole in one is amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole.
And the wind shall say:
"Here were decent godless people:
Their only monument the asphalt road
And a thousand lost golf balls."
T.S. Eliot - "The Rock"
Nothing goes down slower than a golf handicap.
Golf is a terrible, hopeless addiction, it seems: it makes its devotees willing to trudge miles in any manner of weather, lugging a huge, incommodious and appallingly heavy bag with them, in pursuit of a tiny and fantastically expensive ball, in a fanatical attempt to direct it into a hole the size of a beer glass half a mile away. If anything could be better calculated to convince one of the essential lunacy of the human race, I haven't found it.
A man who can putt is a match for anyone.
One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot - the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something.
Golf is probably the only known game a man can play as long as a quarter of a century and then discover it was too deep for him in the first place.
No game designed to be played with the aid of personal servants by right-handed men who can't even bring along their dogs can be entirely good for the soul.
The game embarrasses you until you feel inadequate.
(In honour of the wedding of Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren - Ed)
A golfer needs a loving wife to whom he can describe the day's play through the long evening.
(In honour of the wedding of Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren - Ed)
Shall the married man play golf? This admits of no argument. Certainly. Of all the plagues to a woman in the house is a man during the day.
Dr. Proudfoot, 1890
Moderation is essential in all things, madam, but never in my life have I failed to beat a teetotaller.
Like other forms of compulsive behaviour, for true golfaholics even nine holes are more then they should attempt, yet 18 holes are not enough to satisfy their insatiable craving for humiliation and self-abuse.
I just hitch up my girdle and let 'er fly.
Babe Didrickson Zaharias
It's easy to see golf not as a game at all but as some whey-faced, nineteenth-century Presbyterian minister's fever dream of exorcism achieved through ritual and self-mortification.
The actual distance a bad golfer is going to hit the ball with any club obviously depends on many factors, not the least of which is whether the ball was actually hit at all.
Leslie Nielsen and Henry Beard
Real golfers go to work to relax.
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.
The best place to refine your swing is, of course, on the practice range. You will have an opportunity to make the same mistakes over and over again so that you no longer have to think about them, and they become part of your game.
You swing your best when you have the fewest things to think about.
I open the driving range and I close it. I thought you ought to know that I work hard. I like practising. I enjoy it. If I did not enjoy it I would not do it. What is the point of going back to the hotel, having a drink and talking a load of bull?
"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf. The other is "Wear it if it clashes."
I have only one goal in golf - to leave it with my sanity.
"After all, golf is only a game", said Millicent. Women say these things without thinking. It does not mean that there is any kink in their character. They simply don't realise what they are saying.
If the rest of his foursome are bunched directly behind his ball, or assume the foetal position with their backs to the tee, the golfer is reminded that his drive tends to be erratic. More cruel yet is for his opponent to stand directly in the projected line of flight, as the safest place to be.
Eric Nicol and Dave More
Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver. The sand wedge is far more effective.
Playing the game I have learned the meaning of humility. It has given me an understanding of the futility of human effort.
Golf is essentially an exercise in masochism conducted out of doors.
There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.
Golf isn't like other sports where you can take a player out if he's having a bad day. You have to play the whole game.
Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable.
If you don't succeed at first, don't despair. Remember, it takes time to learn to play golf; most players spend their entire lifetime finding out about the game before they give up.
Golf is played with a number of striking implements more intricate in shape than those used in any form of recreation except dentistry.
It's a heck of a lot harder to stay on top than it is to get there.
Golf acts as a corrective against sinful pride. I attribute the insane arrogance of the later Roman Emperors almost entirely to the fact that, never having played golf, they never knew that strange chastening humility which is engendered by a topped chip shot. If Cleopatra had been ousted in the first round of the Ladies' Singles, we should have heard a lot less of her proud imperiousness.
Never try a shot you haven't practised.
My conscience hurt me. I hate to play golf when I should be out working, so the only thing to do was quit working.
Anyone taking up golf has to realise at the outset that it is an appallingly difficult game to play well.
The difference between a sand trap and water hazard is the difference between a car crash and an airplane crash. You have a chance of recovering from a car crash.
Find a man with both feet firmly on the ground and you've found a man about to make a difficult putt.
Golf always makes me so damned angry.
King George V
Baffling late-life discovery: golfers wear those awful clothes on purpose.
Fairway: a narrow strip of mown grass that separates two groups of golfers looking for lost balls in the rough.
Henry Beard and Roy McKie
Concentrate on hitting the green. The cup will come to you.
Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play the ball where it lies.
Keep on hitting it straight until the wee ball goes in the hole.
This is a game of misses. The guy who misses the best is going to win.
We borrowed golf from Scotland as we borrowed whiskey. Not because it is Scottish, but because it is good.
A golf ball is like a clock. Always hit it at six o'clock and make it go toward twelve o'clock. But make sure you're in the same time zone.
Chi Chi Rodriguez
The best stroked putt in a lifetime does not bring the aesthetic satisfaction of a perfectly hit wood or iron shot. There is nothing to match the whoosh and soar, the almost magical flight of a beautifully hit drive or 5-iron.
One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad and why you play good.
Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill soured by a whiff of arrogance.
It's often necessary to hit a second shot to really appreciate the first one.
Give me a man with big hands and big feet and no brains and I'll make a golfer out of him.
Golf is a puzzle without an answer.
Golf is the cruellest of sports. Like life, it's unfair. It's a harlot. A trollop. It leads you on. It never lives up to its promises. It's a boulevard of broken dreams. It plays with men. And runs off with the butcher.
If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out.
Beyond the fact that it is a limitless arena for the full play of human nature, there is no sure accounting for golf's fascination... Perhaps it is nothing more than the best game man has ever devised.
Herbert Warren Wind
In so many English sports, something flying or running has to be killed or injured; golf calls for no drop of blood from any living creature.
Golf is a game of expletives not deleted.
Dr Irving A. Gladstone
It's so ridiculous to see a golfer with a one foot putt and everybody is saying "Shhh" and not moving a muscle. Then we allow nineteen year-old kids to face a game-deciding free throw with seventeen thousand people yelling.
Golf is 20 percent mechanics and technique. The other 80 pecent is philosophy, humor, tragedy, romance, melodrama, companionship, camaraderie, cussedness and conversation.
I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right.
You know they have a saying around the racetrack that if you have eight cheap horses and run them against each other eight times, you'd have eight different winners. Sound like the PGA tour to you?
Jim Murray (in 1988)
If you're going to miss 'em, miss 'em quick.
In my day we simply didn't believe that it was possible to play as well as these young fellows do. We thought that strength denied touch and that you could not consistently hit the ball both long and straight. It's been proven that you can.
Golf is the only-est sport. You're completely alone with every conceivable opportunity to defeat yourself. Golf brings out your assets and liabilities as a person. The longer you play, the more certain you are that a man's performance is the outward manifestation of who, in his heart, he really thinks he is.
A good golf course makes you want to play so badly that you hardly have the time to change your shoes.
Obviously a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before and knows that the safest place to be when you play is right down the middle.
Golf - makes liars out of honest men, cheats out of altruists, cowards out of brave men and fools out of everybody.
Always count your blessings. Be thankful you are able to be out on a beautiful course. Most people in the world don't have that opportunity.
Regardless of what the tour pros think, golf is a rich and varied game, and what all of us awkward fools do on weekends is what golf is truly all about.
Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.
There are three ways of learning golf: by study, which is the most wearisome; by imitation, which is the most fallacious; and by experience, which is the most bitter.
A professional will tell you the amount of flex you need in the shaft of your club. The more the flex, the more strength you will need to break the thing over your knees.
The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.
It won't help to tell yourself, "Don't hit it in the water". Your mind will only hear "water".
Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20 percent of the time, you're the best.
The score a player reports on any hole should always be regarded as his opening offer.
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
Mark H. McCormack
I may be the only golfer never to have broken a single putter, if you don't count the one I twisted into a loop and threw into a bush.
The golf swing is like sex: you can't be thinking of the mechanics of the act while you're doing it.
You must attain a neurological and biological serenity in chaos. You cannot let yourself be sabotaged by adrenaline.
It takes hundreds of good golf shots to gain confidence, but only one bad one to lose it.
Playing golf is a little like carving a turkey. It helps if you have your slice under control.
When I look on my life and try to decide out of what I have got most actual pleasure, I have no doubt at all saying that I have got more out of golf than anything else.
All I've got against golf is it takes you so far from the clubhouse.
Let the club swing itself through. Help it on all you can but do not begin to hit with it. Let it do its work itself and it will do it well. Interfere with it, and it will be quite adequately revenged.
It is impossible to outplay an opponent you can't outthink.
Golf is more exacting than racing, cards, speculation, or matrimony. In almost all other games you pit yourself against a mortal foe; in golf it is yourself against the world: no human being stays your progress as you drive your ball over the face of the globe.
The last thing you want to do is shoot 80 wearing 'tartan troosers'.
If I had hit it like I wanted to I'd have holed it.
I'm not very good at practice. But if you tell yourself you love the hole and love hitting it on the fairway, it's a big difference.
I don't like the way most people dress on the golf course. I think it's pretty bland, pretty boring.
Golfing excellence goes hand in hand with alcohol, as many an Open and Amateur champion has shown.
The British Open probably would have died if the American stars hadn't started going over to play in it more regularly the last 15 years. Arnold Palmer saved it, but as far as I'm concerned he didn't do us any favours.
[The chief virtue of links courses] may briefly be summarised as being; first, that they should be difficult; secondly, they should be pleasing to the eye; thirdly, that they should be strictly economical in design; and lastly, that to be truly admirable they will probably incur in the general opinion the accusation of being unfair.
Why do we work so hard to feel so terrible?
If we are to preserve the integrity of golf as left to us by our forefathers, it is up to all of us to carry on the true spirit of the game.
One of the reasons why I, 'a medical man' decided to give up medicine was a firm conviction of the extraordinary influence on health of pleasurable excitement, especially when combined with fresh air and exercise. How frequently have I, with great difficulty, persuaded patients who were never off my doorsteps to take up golf, and how rarely, if ever, I have seen them in my consulting room again.
I wish to emphasize that there are no secrets to golf.
The great Jack Nicklaus summed things up neatly during a charity match on the Old Course at St. Andrews where he and I were playing against Ben Crenshaw and Glen Campbell. I asked him what he considered to be the most important factor to overcome in the game of golf. His reply, "It's an unfair game."
Golf is a game in which attitude of mind counts for incomparably more than mightiness of muscle.
The game lends itself to fantasies about our abilities.
Have you ever actually listened to golfers talking to each other? "Looked good starting out..." "Better direction than last time..." "Who's away?..." It sounds like visitors' day at a home for the criminally insane.
If it really made sense to "let the club do the work," you'd just say, "Driver, wedge to the green, one-putt," and walk to the next tee.
In 1587 golf's first famous woman player [Mary Queen of Scots] was convicted and beheaded. Women's golf went into something of a decline after that.
In baseball you hit your home run over the right-field fence, the left-field fence, the center-field fence. Nobody cares. In golf everything has to go right over second base.
Splosh! One of the finest sights in the world: the other man's ball dropping in the water - preferably so that he can see it but cannot quite reach it and has therefore to leave it there, thus rendering himself so mad that he loses the next hole as well.
Golf is just a game - and an idiotic game most of the time.
Dividing the swing into its parts is like dissecting a cat. You'll have blood and guts and bones all over the place. But you won't have a cat.
Many men are more faithful to their golf partners than to their wives and have stuck with them longer.
The golf swing is among the most stressful and unnatural acts in sports, short of cheering for the Yankees.
Watching a golf tournament is different from attending other sporting events. For one thing, the drunks are spread out in a larger area.
A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course.
Dr Bob Rotella
The glorious thing is that thousands of golfers, in park land, on windy downs, in gorse, in heather, by the many-sounding sea, enjoy their imbecilities, revel in their infirmities, and from failure itself draw that final victory - the triumph of hope.
The USGA doesn't want to recognize the fact that today's players are better than ever. They seem willing to do anything to prevent us from shooting scores that would make us appear better than the great names of the past.
If I could have shot 69 in the last round every time, I would have won nine U.S. Opens. Nine!
Of the big four, the PGA is the most fair and the least fun. Basically, it's just the US Open set up by nice, rather than nasty, fellows.
The fact that Slammin' Sammy couldn't win the Open made it all the more valuable for the players that did win. Gave it a special quality. I'd say a part of the sheen on that trophy comes from my sweat.
The US Open flag eliminates a lot of players. Some players just weren't meant to win the US Open. Quite often, they know it.
At its best, the US Open demands straight drives, crisp iron shots, brilliant chipping and putting, and strategic position play. Plus the patience of St. Francis and the will of Patton. At its worst, the Open eradicates the difference in ability between a Tom Purtzer and a Tom Watson and throws both in the same jail of high rough and high risk shots. This is the disturbing tendency in the Opens of the seventies and eighties, one which worries everyone in golf.
Playing in the US Open is like tippy-toeing through hell.
A physicist can describe the perfect golf swing and write it down in scientific language, but the smart golfer doesn't read it. The smart golfer gives it to his opponent to contemplate.
Dr Fran Pirozollo
Playing golf is like eating. It's something which has to come naturally.
The better you putt, the bolder you play.
Golf is the only game that pits the player against an opponent, the weather, the minutest details of a large chunk of local topography and his own nervous system, all at the same time.
To get an elementary grasp of the game of golf, a human must learn, by endless practice, a continuous and subtle series of highly unnatural movements, involving about sixty-four muscles, that result in a seemingly natural swing, taking two seconds to begin and end.
When you're having trouble and topping the ball, it means the ground is moving on you.
Chi Chi Rodriguez
How did I make a twelve on a par five hole? It's simple - I missed a four foot putt for an eleven.
If your adversary is badly bunkered, there is no rule against your standing over him and counting his strokes aloud, with increasing gusto as their number mounts up; but it will be a wise precaution to arm yourself with the niblick before doing so, so as to meet him on equal terms.
A golf ball can stop in the fairway, rough, woods, bunker or lake. With five equally likely options, very few balls choose the fairway.
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
The great thing about golf - and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it - you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.
The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball.
Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.
Golf is 60 or 70 contestants over 200 acres doing unpredicatable things at improbable times. It's an 18-ring circus without a ringmaster.
I just try to put it on the fairway, then the green and not three putt.
I may go for it or I may not. It all depends on what I elect to do on my backswing.
Billy Joe Patton
Golf, especially championship golf, isn't supposed to be fun, was never meant to be fair, and never will make any sense.
Golf puts a man's character on the anvil and his richest qualities - patience, poise, restraint - to the flame.
However unlucky you may be, it really is not fair to expect your adversary's grief for your undeserved misfortunes to be as poignant as your own.
We were always taught to swing slow with good tempo. But you have to have some acceleration throughout the swing. I think that's where a lot of women go wrong. They should try to whack it a few times and see what happens.
The only really unplayable lie I can think of is when you're supposed to be playing golf and come home with lipstick on your collar.
The point is that it doesn't matter if you look like a beast before or after the hit, as long as you look like a beauty at the moment of impact.
If a ball comes to rest in dangerous proximity to a crocodile, another ball may be dropped. [See our story here - Ed.]
Local rule at Jinja Golf Club, Uganda
A golf swing is a collection of corrected mistakes.
I get pissed off. I simply do not understand someone who hits a ball that lands behind a tree and can look at it and say, "Well, that's golf".
With a fine sea view and a clear course in front of him, the golfer may be excused if he regards golf, even though it be indifferent golf, as the true and adequate end of man's existence.
The course of true golf never did run smooth.
There are two basic rules which should never be broken. Be subtle. And don't, for God's sake, try to do business with anyone who's having a bad game.
Yes, it is a cruel game, one in which the primitive instincts of man are given full play, and the difference between golf and fisticuffs is that in one the pain is of the mind and in the other it is of the body.
Golf is like faith: it is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
No golfer ever gets so consistently good that he can't use some constructive advice. No matter how many trophies he may win, he can't analyze and remedy his own faults.
My clubs are well used, but unfortunately not used well.
Considered objectively, it is quite obviously a very simple matter to propel a ball with a stick across some specially prepared ground and into a hole which is of sufficient size to accomodate it by a good margin. Simple that is, provided there is no limit upon the time or the number of strokes required.
Golf, more than most games, has a number of clichés, often successfully disguised as 'tips'. Watch out!
Keep close count of your nickels and dimes, stay away from whiskey, and never concede a putt.
Next to sunburn, a visit to the dentist, or a wasp sting on the privates, nothing gives a man more masochistic satisfaction than a round of golf.
The average player doesn't play golf. He attacks it.
If God wants to produce the ideal golfer then He should create a being with a set of unequal arms and likewise legs, an elbow-free left arm, knees which hinge sideways and a ribless torso from which emerges, at an angle of 45 degrees, a stretched neck fitted with one colour-blind eye stuck firmly on the left side.
If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
No one has ever conquered this game. One week out there and you are God; next time you are the devil.
Once bitten, it is akin to having your neck punctured in Transylvania - there is no known antidote.
Golf is the only game where the worst player gets the best of it. He obtains more out of it as regards both exercise and enjoyment, for the good player gets worried over the slightest mistake, whereas the poor player makes too many mistakes to worry about them.
David Lloyd George
A good one iron shot is about as easy to come by as an understanding wife.
Doesn't it show us all that we are silly little boys or fatuous asses to think that we can play golf without making a lot of bad shots?
When your forward press is longer than your backswing, you've got to think about giving up the game.
Because golf exposes the flaws of the human swing - a basically simple maneuver - it causes more self-torture than any game short of Russian roulette.
In golf, as in no other sport, your principal opponent is youself.
Herbert Warren Wind
Golf is not a game of great shots. It's a game of most accurate misses. The people who win make the smallest mistakes.
No power on earth will deter men from using a ball that will add to the length of their drives.
Golf Illustrated (in 1902)
It is a thousand pities that neither Aristotle nor Shakespeare was a golfer. There is no other game that strips the soul so naked.
It is nevertheless a game of considerable passion, either of the explosive type, or that which burns inwardly and sears the soul.
I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. I just don't know where I fit in.
Whatever anyone may care to say about golf, at least one thing is mercifully certain, namely it is a voluntary affair.
The proper score for a businessman golfer is 90. If he is better than that he is neglecting his business. If he's worse, he's neglecting his golf.
St Andrews Rotary Club Member
Hit the ball up to the hole... You meet a better class of people up there.
There is no movement in the golf swing so difficult that it cannot be made even more difficult by careful study and diligent practice.
Missing a short putt does not mean you have to hit your next drive out of bounds.
Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.
You can, legally, possibly hit and kill a fellow golfer with a ball, and there will not be a lot of trouble because the other golfers will refuse to stop and be witnesses, because they will want to keep playing.
Don Quixote would understand golf. It is the impossible dream.
Men trifle with their business and their politics but never trifle with their games. It brings truth home to them. They cannot pretend they have won when they have lost nor that they had a magnificent drive when they foozled it. The Englishman is at his best on the links and at his worst in the Cabinet.
George Bernard Shaw
If you pick up a golfer and hold it close to your ear, like a conch shell, and listen, you will hear an alibi.
Hitting the ball is the fun part of it, but the fewer times you hit the ball the more fun you have.
(This 'First Shot' is dedicated to Phil Mickelson, Masters Champion - Ed.)
There are three types of golf - golf, tournament golf and major championship golf.
You are meant to play the ball as it lies, a fact that may help to touch on your own objective approach to life.
As far as swing and techniques are concerned, I don't know diddly squat. When I'm playing well, I don't even take aim.
A perfectly straight shot with a big club is a fluke.
Back horses or go down to Throgmorton Street and try to take it away from the Rothschilds, and I will applaud you as a shrewd and cautious financier. But to bet at golf is pure gambling.
Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one.
There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands; how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
What goes up must come down. But don't expect it to come down where you can find it.
Prayer never works for me on the golf course. That may have something to do with my being a terrible putter.
Rev. Billy Graham
Too much ambition is a bad thing to have in a bunker.
The world's no. 1 tennis player spends 90 percent of his time
winning, while the world's no. 1 golfer spends 90 percent of his time losing. Golfers are great losers.
I enjoy the oohs! and aahs! from the gallery when I hit my drives. But I'm getting pretty tired of the awws! and uhhs! when I miss the putt.
The difference between now and when I played during my younger days is my drives are shorter and my short game is longer.
Some players would complain if they had to play on Dolly Parton's bedspread.
A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill, unless there is sand or water at the bottom.
To be truthful, I think golfers are overpaid. It's unreal, and I have trouble dealing with the guilt sometimes.
I was three over: one over a house, one over a patio and one over a swimming pool.
One hundred years of experience has demonstrated that the game is temporary insanity practised in a pasture.
It is not a matter of life and death. It is not that important. But it is a reflection of life, and so the game is an enigma wrapped in a mystery impaled on a conundrum.
It is more satisfying to be a bad player at golf. The worse you play, the better you remember the occasional good shot.
A leading difficulty with the average player is that he totally misunderstands what is meant by concentration. He may think he is concentrating hard when he is merely worrying.
Golf is played by 20 million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
Golf may be played on Sunday, not being a game within view of the law, but being a form of moral effort.
Golf is the most over-taught and least-learned human endeavour; if they taught sex the way they teach golf, the race would have died out years ago.
Most people play a fair game of golf - if you watch them.
The great thing about this game is that the bad days are wonderful.
March 17 (St.Patrick's Day)
Joe Carr, the great Irish amateur, was once having a very bad day of golf at Sligo.
His caddie asked: "Have you ever played Rosses Point before, Sor?"
Joe Carr: "Oh yes, many times."
Caddie: "Then you know they play the West of Ireland championship here, Sor."
Joe Carr: "I know, I won it twelve times."
Caddie: "It must have been fierce easy to win in those days, Sor."
The next time you see a good player stalking backward and forwards on the green, do not be led away by the idea that he is especially painstaking, but rather pity him for a nervous individual who is putting off the evil moment as long as he possibly can.
The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
The terrible beauty is that in the brotherhood of golf we are all the same - certifiable.
Golf giveth and golf taketh away, but it taketh away a hell of a lot more than it giveth.
The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.
Golf is the only game in which a precise knowledge of the rules can earn one a reputation for bad sportsmanship.
Golf may be a hussy, but I love her.
Golf is like love. One day you think you are too old and the next day you want to do it again.
Roberto de Vicenzo
Always remember that however good you may be, the game is your master.
Golf being a cold, calculating sort of game gives perhaps more scope for folly than any other. We have all the time in the world to make up our minds as to what is the wise thing to do and then we do the foolish one.
The most important shot in golf is the next one.
If you could eliminate the occasional bad shot you would be the first person to do so.
A tap-in is a putt that is short enough to be missed one-handed.
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
Golfers find it a very trying matter to turn at the waist, more particularly if they have a lot of waist to turn.
Golf is the loneliest of games, not excluding postal chess.
If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game would be played far better than it is.
I never learned anything from a match that I won.
Only one golfer in a thousand grips the club lightly enough.
Playing with your spouse on the golf course runs almost as great a marital risk as getting caught playing with someone else's anywhere else.
With a fine sea view and a clear course in front of him, the golfer may be excused if he regards golf, even though it be indifferent golf, as the true and adequate end of man's existence.
Golf courses are like children. I have no favorite.
Robert Trent Jones
Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated.
Golf is, in part, a game; but only in part. It is also in part a religion, a fever, a vice, a mirage, a frenzy, a fear, an abscess, a joy, a thrill, a pest, a disease, an uplift, a brooding, a melancholy, a dream of yesterday, and a hope for tomorrow.
New York Tribune (1916)
Love and putting are mysteries for the philosopher to solve. Both subjects are beyond golfers.
The number one thing about trouble is...don't get into more.
You must work very hard to become a natural golfer.
Relax? How can anybody relax? You have to grip the club, donít you?
Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around.
Don't be in such a hurry. That little white ball isn't going to run away from you.
Never break your putter and your driver in the same round or you're dead.
February 14 (Valentine's Day)Golf is very much like a love affair. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. Don't break your heart, but flirt with the possibility.
Local Rules in Golf - a set of regulations that are ignored by players on a specific course rather than by golfers as a whole.
If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
Golf has probably kept more people sane than psychiatrists have.
The truly great things happen when a genius is alone. This is true especially among golfers.
Golf is not, and never has been, a fair game.
I don't trust doctors. They are like golfers. Every one has a different answer to your problem.
The fundamental problem with golf is that every so often, no matter how lacking you may be in the essential virtues required of a steady player, the odds are that one day you will hit the ball straight, hard, and out of sight. This is the essential frustration of this excruciating sport. For when you've done it once, you make the fundamental error of asking yourself why you can't do this all the time. The answer to this question is simple: the first time was a fluke.
The devoted golfer is an anguished soul who has learned a lot about putting, just as an avalanche victim has learned a lot about snow.
Being a Scotsman, I am naturally opposed to water in its undiluted state.
Dr. Alistair Mackenzie
The right way to play golf is to go up and hit the bloody thing.