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We reveal the trousers even Poulter wouldn't wear!

July 13, 2005; Source: AnyoneForTee
If you don't like Ian's trousers in Round One, just think yourself lucky he's not wearing any of these!

ST ANDREWS. Ian Poulter will start this year's Open Championship wearing the best kept secret in trousers since Eve told Adam he wasn't wearing any.

2000 readers of the BBC's Sport Academy website took up the challenge to design a pair of trousers for the colourful English star to wear on Day One of the Championship, with the winning entry being chosen by Ian and his tailor, William Hunt.

The trousers designed by Gavin Adams (seen here with Poulter before the secret first fitting at Loch Lomond last week) will be unveiled on the first tee at 12.58 on Thursday. It is expected that Poulter's playing partners, Phil Mickelson and Trevor Immelman, will call for medical assistance at approximately 12.59.

Readers may recall that Poulter played the first round of the 2004 Open in a pair of Union Jack trousers, despite which he scored a creditable even par 71 at Royal Troon, going on to finish equal 25th with a two over par total of 286 for the Championship, notwithstanding several more pairs of brain-curdling trousers.

29 year old Ian is unapologetic about his taste in legwear. "It's good fun and it helps me relax. People should take me seriously."

He is also bullish about his chances this week. "It's the biggest tournament in the world and I want to win it," he says. "I tried hard in 2000 [the last time the Open was held at St Andrews - Ed] when I didn't wear loud trousers and I'm going to be trying just as hard this time. I'm a more experienced player than I was back then so let's hope that shows. I've got a great chance as long as I keep my head together and keep working this week. If I play well for four days I will win The Open."

Poulter is not expected to fall foul of the new regulations in force on the European Tour, which ban loud trousers as a health hazard (see our earlier report here), since the Open Championship is run separately by the Royal & Ancient Golf Club of St Andrews, but his fellow pros may make representations to the Championship Committee to have the trousers outlawed.

AnyoneForTee will report daily on Poulter's sartorial progress in 'Trouserwatch', but in the meantime here are some of the designs for the BBC competition which, mercifully, you won't be seeing at The Old Course this week. Click on any image to see a larger version.

We think the R&A may have a bone to pick with you about these Ian	Ian doesn't need egging on, but this would be one of his rasher ideas	The perfect outfit for a visit to Hell bunker - followed by a hot streak?	Giant balls? Ian has a high opinion of himself, but modesty please...
Bring the course to its knees, not your knees to the course, please	Heaven help us if a key piece of this puzzle should go missing!	A crock of gold at one end, but at the other end of the rainbow?	'Only Poulter has the answer!', it says. Who's a smartie pants?
Sorry Ian, at The Open we keep our underwear inside our trousers	Singles Ian, not fourballs. Heard the one about the Rolls Royce? *	Roses? Thistles all up your inside leg? Brings tears to your eyes	We know you've got a lot of cheek Ian. We don't need to see it.

* [Editor's note: this story is unsuitable for readers with an allergy to very old jokes]

A man drives his Rolls Royce into a petrol station, opens his window and asks the attendant to fill her up. It takes a long time to fill the tank on a Rolls Royce, so while the attendant is waiting he looks inside the car and begins to ask the owner questions.
"What does that switch do, Sir?"
"That moves the seat up and down, backwards and forwards and adjusts the recline electronically, so I am in the perfect driving position," said the owner.
"What a wonderful car, the Roller, Sir. And that switch there, Sir?" says the attendant, pointing.
"That adjusts the wing mirrors electronically, so I have perfect vision all around me," said the owner.
"Marvellous Sir. And what about that one, Sir?"
"Ah, that one opens and inclines the sun roof, so I can enjoy sunshine and fresh air without excessive wind noise," replied the owner, delighted at the young man's appreciation of his car.
"Isn't that wonderful, Sir? And this one, Sir?"
"Now that's a very good one," said the owner. "That switches on the heating in the seats, so when I get into the car on a winter morning, the seat is already warm and comfortable."
"They really look after you at Rolls Royce, don't they, Sir?" enthused the attendant, as the tank finished filling. While he was removing the nozzle from the car, he pointed at the ashtray which was full of tee pegs."If you don't mind me asking just one more question, Sir, what are those funny little things in there?"
"Those?" said the owner. "Well, they're called tees. We put our balls on them when we drive off."
The attendant was flabbergasted. "My God, Sir, Rolls Royce really do think of everything, don't they?"

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