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Amateur takes Unknown US Open! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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June 20, 2004; Source: AnyoneForTee Levin steals pros' thunder and provokes further change to 'Major' rules, as 'The Pup' slides from first to last place | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 NEW YORK. The Unknown US Open has been won by Spencer Levin, a 19 year old amateur, throwing the world of professional golf (and his clubs) into turmoil. "Not only is he a bad-tempered, bad-mannered brat who doesn't know how to behave on a golf course, he's not a professional either," said an aggrieved member of the "STORM" committee, a top-secret working party set up to draft rules to prevent unknown golfers beating the top pros in major championships (read the full story here). "He's almost beaten the star field [Levin finished tied for 13th in the main event - Ed], as well as his fellow unknowns. This could have been another major disaster for us. We must put a stop to it before the Open at Troon," said His Royal Highness the Duke of York, Captain of The Royal & Ancient Golf Club of St Andrews (pictured left), expressing his feelings at a post-tournament press conference.AnyoneForTee understands that the "near miss" of Shinnecock Hills has persuaded the USGA, the R&A, the USPGA and the Augusta National Golf Club to implement fully the draft "STORM" (Stop Ousiders Ruining Majors) rules, which almost caused a boycott of the US Open by unknown players, in time to prevent embarrassment at Royal Troon next month. "We shall also be adding a rule specific to amateurs," added the USGA spokesman. "From now on in majors, amateurs will have to give the pros two shots a side, as well as conforming to the other STORM rules. Handicaps are a natural part of the amateur game, so we feel this is a perfectly fair way of giving a chance to the pros, who play golf for their livelihood, whereas the amateurs are only here for the challenge and the fun of competition."  Among the other "Unknown Open" challengers, the European flag was brilliantly flown by second placed Swede Daniel Chopra (right), who finished tied for 24th in the main event, only one shot worse than the leading European "Star" player, Sergio Garcia. Further evidence of the danger from amateurs was provided by Casey Wittenberg, who returned a 16 over par score for equal 36th place in the main event.AnyoneForTee's 100,000 to 1 shot, well-known spelling mistake Kristopher Cox, sadly failed to fufill his earlier promise, finishing with a 79 for an 18 over par total and a share of 48th place. As a result of this disappointment, your publishers will have to continue producing Anyone For Tee in the normal manner, at least until we can lay a good outside bet on an unknown in July's Open Championship.  Last place in the 66 man field was not taken by an unknown. That distinction went to "Star" Billy Mayfair, whose 89 was the highest score of the day and left him on 30 over par 310 for the tournament, three shots behind trailing unknown Kevin "The Pup" Stadler (pictured left). Stadler's last round 85, together with a third round 82, dropped him from first to last place in the Unknown Open, and included an unusual incident on the notorious 7th green, when his two foot tap in missed and rolled 60 feet off the green, finally leaving The Pup to hole out for a grouse (triple bogey) six. Kevin's father, Craig "The Walrus" Stadler will no doubt have a few words of consolation for his son, and we look forward to seeing the unmistakeable waddle of the Stadlers back on the fairways very soon. In an exciting finish to the regular event, Retief Goosen (right) won by two shots from Phil Mickelson. The final results after four rounds of the Unknown US Open are posted below.
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