USPGA - shock 1st round leaders!

August 13, 2004; Source: AnyoneForTee
Confusion at Whistling Straits as big names dominate day one leader board!

WISCONSIN. The golf world was in shock on Thursday night after the first day’s play at a Major tournament saw the leader board dominated by the top players.

A rejuvenated Darren Clarke (left) of Northern Ireland, who defends his title in the World Golf Championships - NEC Invitational next week, led the way with a 65 that gave him a one-stroke advantage over South African world no. 2 Ernie Els and American Justin Leonard, both previous Major winners.

After the spate of unknown winners in recent Majors, US PGA organizers were bemused by the first day results. "What happened out there, it was crazy," a senior official told Anyone For Tee. "All the best players were shooting the lowest scores – kinda freaky, huh?"

Several other big names were close to the lead, including Fijian superstar and world no. 3 Vijay Singh at 5 under, Ryder Cup player Scott Verplank at the same score, with Jay Haas, K J Choi, Padraig Harrington, Chris DiMarco and Stuart Appleby on 4 under and Phil Mickleson (right), going for a record fourth top three finish in Majors in the same calendar year, one stroke back at 3 under.

The only unknowns – as officially defined by Anyone For Tee’s global anonymity scale (GAS) – within three shots of the lead were Briny Baird, Tim Petrovic and Geoff Ogilvy.

The brilliantly named Briny Baird (right - 5 under) is believed to be a local sailor who took a wrong turning, ended up beached at Whistling Straits and got to play when Greg Norman dropped out and a PGA official mistook Baird’s battered mast for a three wood. Until now, his main claim to fame has been a putting style which some have described as "anatomically impossible".

Tim Petrovic (4 under), is a 38-year old journeyman who once worked as a Pizza baker, where he is reputed to have earned more dough than on the circuit. But don’t count him out - Petrovic is also an ardent fan of the Doors, whose most famous song was 'Rider on the Storm'. Could this be a sign? If the wind gets up at Whistling Straits – and it ain't called 'Whistling' for nothing – then Petrovic could score a bigger hit than Jim Morrison ever did. You read it here first.

Also at 4 under, Australian Geoff Ogilvy (left - with golf club) is described on the US PGA website as a "distant relative of Sir Angus Ogilvy (far left - being regal), part of Britain's Royal Family and an even more distant relative of Scotland's King of Bannockburn fame, Robert the Bruce" (whose famous spider can also be found on the web). Since it is a well-known fact that many Australians are descended from British convicts, he is likely to be a very distant relative indeed – in fact about as distant as his chances of being crowned US PGA champion come Sunday. But at least Ogilvy should have the courage of his convictions when things get tough.

Although far too famous for his sartorial splendour to be classified as an unknown, Duffy Waldorf (right) is Anyone For Tee’s great hope – and choice – for an upset victory. Known as the unofficial patron saint of golfing Duffers everywhere, Duffy will be celebrating on something a little stronger than salad should he triumph on Sunday afternoon.

Of the real unknowns, Anyone For Tee is tipping five to watch:

Ben Crane: Declares his interests as Fishing, Bible study, fitness and ping-pong. Funny, you’d think he would have mentioned golf which may say something about the state of his game. But remember that Cranes are also long-necked wading birds, likely to be perfectly at home with their feet wet in the seaside setting of Whistling Straits.
Harrison Frazar: Who? Precisely. But don’t count this 33-year old Texan out (especially as he is a distant cousin, 143 times removed, of Smokin’ Joe Frazar...). Anyone For Tee can reveal that he was the roommate of Justin Leonard at the University of Texas and had a 14-9 record against him in pillow fights. If he could knock the stuffing out of one of the favourites once, he can do it again. Also, he worked in real estate in Dallas for a year, so you can bet your house on him.
Zane Zwemke: We zwear zat we are not making zese names up! Qualified via a play-off, against other household - or at least mobile trailer-hold - names like Frank Bensel, Bill Britton and Bruce Smith. A club pro from Colorado, he may be the most unknown player ever to pick up a club in a Major but zat shouldn’t stop Zane. At 73 million to one, he represents generous odds at ze bookmakers. Imagine if he’s paired with zat man Ernie Els on the final day and pips the Zouth African by one stroke. Enough to drive a man inzane!
Ted Purdy: Or 'Purdy Ted' as the girls used to call him at the University of Arizona. Says his mother and grandfather started him in the game of golf while he was still in diapers... unlike Ian Poulter who has only recently graduated into them. Lists Jimmy Buffet as his hero – unlike Craig Stadler who lists Any Buffet as his hero. Ted might be purdy unknown around these parts but we like the look of his game – after all, in 1996 while at University, he won the 1996 Ping Arizona Intercollegiate by six strokes over a student from Stanford... a certain Tiger Woods. A few purdy birdies and who knows what might happen?
Burnt Carpets (Ben Curtis – Ed): The epitome of all that is great in unknowns' golf. Came from nowhere to win the 2003 Open at Sandwich and promptly went straight back there. Bring Cheesecloth (Ben Curtis!-Ed) has achieved the truly magnificent feat of being more unknown as a Major winner than he was beforehand. Even today his wife Canedis Cutearse (Candace Curtis!! – Ed) is rumoured to ask "What do you think you’re doing in our house stranger?" over the breakfast table. Let’s hear a round of applause from unknowns the world over for Blunt Cutlass (Ben Curtis!!! – Ed)!

And here are some we didn’t mention, many of them club pros, trying their game against the stars of the tour...

Roy Biancalana
Bo Van Pelt
Brenden Pappas
Cary Hungate (must be an anagram of something)
Steve Schneiter
Chip Sullivan
Mike Northern (from Southern Colorado)
Mike Schuchart (size 11, extra wide fit)
Mike Small (6ft 3in)

Sean English (from Ohio)
Ron Philo (taking things sophically)
Dave Tentis (his tentis pitched in the car park)
And last, but definitely not least, Quinn Griffing of North Manchester, Indiana, seen here making the most of his trip by exploring the luxuriant vegetation of Whistling Straits.

(In case you were wondering, none of those names are spelling mistakes - Ed). Heroes to a man!