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Nobody at Troon - but can he win?

July 15, 2004;  AnyoneForTee World Exclusive
A host of hopeful heroes have arrived in Troon. But will the hotels find their bookings? Will their caddies find them?

The 18th at Royal Troon SCOTLAND.  Some of the game’s least celebrated journeymen and newcomers will tee off today in Troon in search of golfing glory in the 133rd Open Championship. And thanks to Anyone For Tee, they’ve got two chances of making it big.

In support of unknown, ordinary and aspiring golfers the world over, Anyone For Tee is leading the campaign against the STORM (Stop Outsiders Ruining Majors) Bill, first introduced by the USPGA and the R&A on the eve of last month's US Open (full story here).

STORM aims to seriously limit the prospects of outsiders by making them play with a series of progressively greater disadvantages as a major tournament progresses – ranging from smaller holes (and for players outside the top 500 no hole at all!) to wearing a Walmart shopping bag over their head when chipping or putting if still in contention late in the tournament. Under the most draconian requirement of all, the leading non-top 100 player still in contention on day four will be automatically paired with Colin Montgomerie – even if Monty has not made the cut!

Bent Cutlass - 2003 Open ChampionThe rule changes follow pressure from the television networks and sponsors who fear that viewers will literally switch off rather than watch players like Bent Cutlass (right) and San Miguel (Ben Curtis and Sean Micheel – Ed) beat the game’s big names, as happened at last year’s Open and US PGA.

But Anyone For Tee did not get where we are today – penniless, starving, suffering from the chipping yips, barred from 98.7% of the world's golf courses and in ongoing litigation with all major golfing authorities – without fighting back on behalf of the ordinary – in our case very ordinary – golfer worldwide.

Anyone For Tee underlined its commitment to equality among all golfers, from superstars to duffers, by wagering 75% of our post-tax profits (3.20 Indian rupees for the 2003/04 financial year) on five unknowns at Shinnecock Hills with a leading British bookmaker. We also threatened to sue the USGA if any of our favourites were forced to play with Walmart bags on their heads – our effort to bring greater transparency to the game.

Alas four of our five top tips – Brian Gay (left), Stephen Sokol, Joey Maxon and the splendidly-named Gabriel Hjertstedt – played with true ordinariness, failing to threaten let alone make the cut, despite being unencumbered by Walmart bags or those of any other leading retailer. Some said that Hjertstedt may have played better WITH a Walmart bag.

However, Kristopher Cox (right), who made history by becoming the first spelling mistake to gain entry to a major, finished in an encouraging tie for 48th, the highest finish by a Cox family member since his great-uncle Kolin came 37th in the Appalachian Mountain Spelling Bee Committee’s medal championship in 1944.

Spacious Living - 2004 Unknown US Open ChampionBut unlike the PGA, Anyone For Tee didn’t turn its back on the unknowns. Instead we sought to combat the tyranny of the majors by launching a ‘Minor’ – The Unknown US Open, ‘open’ only to those players who weren’t even household names in their own houses! The event was won by Spacious Living (Spencer Levin - Ed), a 19 year old amateur pictured left, who actually finished a creditable 13th in the main event won by South African Retief Goosen. With a score of 288 or 12 over par, Sparkling Levi's (Spencer Levin!!! – Ed) headed off his nearest unknown competitor, Daniel Chopra, whose greatest claim to fame was being described in one report as ‘a large Swede’, making him the first vegetable to make the cut in a golfing major.

Sadly, one of our personal favourites, Kevin "The Pup" Stadler, son of Craig "The Walrus" Stadler, who had led the tournament at the halfway mark, collapsed with a final round 85 after a bizarre incident when a combination of family genetics and an excessive breakfast caused him to sink into the first green (pictured right) and require rescue by paramedics.

Now Anyone For Tee is preparing to continue our championing of these ‘cause uncelebres’ with the second ‘Minor’, the Unknown Open at Troon.

In association with innovative golf equipment specialist GOBRA, maker of the famous women’s golfing bras ("Supporting women’s golf for 20 years") and men’s golfing underpants, we are proud to announce the MOOT (Minor Open Outsiders at Troon) Trophy, a tastefully engraved, golfing bubble-gum dispenser, that will be awarded to the top unknown in this year’s Troon field.

Entry is by invitation only with a limit of 65 players. All the competitors are unknown by Anyone For Tee’s tea-lady, most are unknown in their home towns, several are unknown in their own families and one is even unknown to himself.

Below you’ll find the most select field in world golf and the latest odds. Follow the form of your favourite as he embarrasses the Els, Woods, Mickelsons and Harringtons. And share a tear of joy as one unknown briefly, poignantly, has his moment of fame, becoming the second Minor winner of the year.

Who will lead the line-up of non-entities at Troon? Can they defeat the odds (usually around 5 million to one) and beat the big names? Read on for details:

  1. Nicolas Colsaerts, Belgium: Could a name that looks worryingly like Cold Sore be on everyone’s lips by the end of the championship? Expect a multi-million dollar sponsorship to follow from Zovirax if that happens. Victory for the young man from Belgium would be the first case of Brussels sprouting a major winner.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 90,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 18 to 1
  2. Cameron Beckman, USA: Probably the closest that we’ll get to a ’Beckham lifts trophy’ headline in the English press, so let’s hope the play-off doesn’t go to penalties. Only Americans have names like this, usually followed by III or Jnr. But Mr and Mrs Beckman gave up after the one kid as they couldn’t remember his name. Nor will you.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 50,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 13 to 1
  3. Tetsuji Hiratsuka, Japan: Will 'Tetse' fly? That’s the question being asked back in Nagoya where young Hiratsuka is a heartthrob in the local Karaoke bars. But like his singing, we fear Tetsuji may be out of Troon after two days.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 530,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 25 to 1
  4. Andrew Buckle, Australia: Heir to a famous belt-making empire in Australia (‘Buckle Down Under’) young Andrew was named after the popular seal of the same name and quickly developed a similar ability to balance a ball on his nose – usually after a duffed lob. Somehow the ‘Great White Seal’ doesn’t have the same ring to it as ‘Great White Shark’ and sadly young Andrew may buckle after failing to notch up any regulation scores on the first day.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 600,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 50 to 1
  5. Christian Cévaër, France: Rumoured to have the best accent in the game and that’s just the one over the 'e' in his name. Also has a cute touch around the green that could see CC (as his parents called him, after bizarrely being unable to remember his Christian name) make the cut.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 50,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 15 to 1
  6. Dinesh Chand, Fiji: Not to be mistaken with "Dinesh Ready", the Fijian drinkers’ call to the dining table, Dinesh Chand hails from the same beautiful islands as Vijay Singh. Chand means 'How much?' in Farsi and probably also in Fijian, as the answer's 'not much' if we’re talking wagers.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 500,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 65 to 1
  7. Arjun Atwal, India: His parents were able to sponsor young Arjun to a US golfing college after the success of their recently-opened food shop, also known as a New Deli. Sure to be turned into a Cash & Curry if Arjun wins.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 40,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 12 to 1
  8. Gary Emerson, England: Rumoured to be the last playing member of 70s rock group Emerson, Lake and Palmer (Palmer of course went on to much greater heights in golf, while Lake turned out to be suitably named and couldn’t keep his ball in play).
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 40,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 12 to 1
  9. Ben Curtis, USA: Still an unknown – despite winning last year’s event! What an achievement! Come on Bengt, you can do it again! More pressure on him this year with all those spectators, yelling out "You da man... whoever you are!" Definitely worth a bet.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 300 to 1
    Unknown Open: 3 to 1
  10. Klas Eriksson, Sweden: Rumoured to be a klass act back in his native Sweden Erik’s son Klas has the game to win. The Ludo championship in the locker-room that is.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 900,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 33 to 1
  11. Kim Felton, Australia: Offered a job in the World Heath Organization for the number of times that people say "Who?" after they meet him. So anonymous that the Open Committee is still unsure whether he’s a man or a woman. But all Aussies are ultra-competitive and he could make the cut for both championships. A likely outsider.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 1,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 5 to 1
  12. Darren Fichardt, South Africa: Try saying his surname in a South African accent after you’ve been drinking and you’ll realize the shock that could be caused if Darren wins the Open. Like the ham in the Troon clubhouse, South Africans are on a roll at present, but Fichardt is unlikely to find the course to his taste.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 100,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 25 to 1
  13. Mark Foster, England: A real unknown as befits someone who comes from Foster parents. Alas Mark is likely to join all the other Fosters going down in the hospitality tents on days 3 and 4.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 300,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 27 to 1
  14. Matthew Goggin, Australia: "And a hush comes over the Troon gallery as Goggin has this putt for the Open..." Now that would be a true Anyone For Tee type shock so we’re recommending a small wager (we suggest about 10 pence) on him. Alas poor Goggin is probably one Aussie who is headed up over - not down under - par.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 7,500 to 1
    Unknown Open: 6 to 1
  15. Todd Hamilton, USA: See what we mean about those American names? You just know he will have a son called Todd Jnr and a daughter called Toddetta. And the latter is likely to get closer to the trophy than Todd Snr.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 15,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 8 to 1
  16. Zach Johnson, USA: Zach performed admirably in the Unknown US Open, making the cut and finishing in a tie for seventh (and tied 48th in the main event), so he will lose his unknown status with another good performance in Troon. A good bet at 7 to 1.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 10,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 7 to 1
  17. Brian McElhinney (A), Northern Ireland: Irish eyes will be smiling if Brian comes through as top amateur, let alone top of the Unknown Open. But his odds – 64 million to one – reflect his chances of getting his hands on the big trophy.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 64,000,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 3,000 to 1
  18. Tjaart Van der Walt, South Africa: We can’t wait to hear the incomparable Peter Alliss getting his tongue around this one. A Tjaart with a heart, a Van der Walt success would make for some great headlines in the world press, so we’re putting a few rand on him.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 3,000,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 120 to 1
  19. Bo van Pelt, USA: We promise you we’re not making up these names though Mr and Mrs Van Pelt do have a lot to answer for having calling their son Bo! Will little Bo peep at glory on day 4? Could it be Van der Walt and Van Pelt battling it out in the final pairing on the final day? Stranger things have happened – look at the White House...
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 7,500,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 200 to 1
  20. Takashi Kamiyama, Japan: The first case of a department store entering a major golf tournament, Takashimaya is in with a chance of winning the big event. Pity it’s three million to one.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 3,000,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 120 to 1
  21. Louis Oosthuizen, South Africa: Possesses possibly the biggest handicap in golf, having been stuck with the South African name for 'outhouse' all his life. But like Johnny Cash’s 'Boy named Sue', the experience toughened Louis into a fierce competitor and he could be flush with success come Sunday.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 1,500 to 1
    Unknown Open: 4 to 1
  22. Hennie Otto, South Africa: Young Otto is a fitness fanatic, which explains his nickname 'Ottomobile' but outside the Hennie house, he is a genuine unknown. That’s the type we like most. If he can calm his nerves and turn on the Otto pilot, he could figure in the finish of both events.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 700 to 1
    Unknown Open: 3 to 1
  23. Grant Muller, South Africa: Another in the strong South African contingent but sadly it would be a case of grant miracles if young Muller triumphs.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 200,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 40 to 1
  24. Mårten Olander, Sweden: The only 'olander we know who comes from Sweden not Amsterdam, Mårtenrten has an umlaut over his A and could have egg over his face after two testing days at Troon.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 700 to 1
    Unknown Open: 3 to 1
  25. Maarten Lafeber, Holland: A generous man as evidenced by the fact that he always goes Dutch when paying at his local restaurants. Maarten was aalways going to be aan aabsolutely aanlikely winner of this event, but if the windmills blow on the final day, anything could happen.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 75,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 12 to 1
  26. Jyoti Randhawa, India: One for the romanticists and the player that Anyone For Tee is championing to go all the way to glory – which should guarantee an early exit 30 shots outside the cut. Jyoti will be the hero of all India if he wins either the Open or the Unknown Open. Go Jyoti go!!
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 75,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 12 to 1
  27. Adam Le Vesconte, Australia: Strange Aussie name this one, though reassuringly his brother is called Bruce and his sister Sheila. But Dame Edna would have a better chance here.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 6,000,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 90 to 1
  28. Spike McRoy, USA: Could be in trouble at Troon's 19th as it's a no-spikes bar. But that's as close to the course as he will get after two days. Unpopular with fellow players who always complain of spiked greens after he plays in front of them.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 1,300,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 100 to 1
  29. Skip Kendall, USA: His name is what most bookmakers would advise, i.e. 'Skip Kendall' but we have a sneaking feeling he could upset the odds and at least make the cut – which would put the American firmly in line for the Unknown Open.
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 50,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 10 to 1
  30. Euan Little, Scotland: Rumoured to be the less well-known brother of famous movie mouse Stuart, Euan truly has little chance of making any impact at all at Troon, so we’re supporting him with a massive bet at his generous odds of 13 million to one. Come on Euan, that would pay the Anyone For Tee bar bill for the next 18 months!
    Unknown factor: Odds: Open Champion 13,000,000 to 1
    Unknown Open: 200 to 1
You can also get odds of 1,500,000 to 1 on any of the following trailing lights, if you enjoy a flutter on a real outsider:

  • Lewis Atkinson
  • Scott Barr - we wonder how the Scots will take to him; will Barr be barred?
  • Paul Bradshaw
  • Lloyd Campbell (A)
  • Jonathan Cheetham - "if you can't beat 'em, cheat 'em", they used to say, but we have no doubts that Jonathan will play fair, if not well
  • Glen Day - have a nice glen (you're in Scotland, after all)
  • Gary Emerson - a nice, ordinary name, a nice, ordinary golfer?
  • Martin Erlandsson
  • Neil Evans - will it be a case of "Evans above! 'E's done it!"?
  • Keiichiro Fukabori - let's just hope there are no boris around Troon this week...
  • Jimmy Green - from America. No relation to Richard (see below)
  • Richard Green - from Australia. Rumours that he has a sister called "Miss Green" are unfounded and unfair
  • David Griffiths
  • Matthew Hazelden
  • S.K. Ho - from Korea. No relation to his arctic friend S.K. Mo
  • Hidemasa Hoshino - from Japan, in case you were wondering
  • Barry Hume
  • John Huston - shouldn't he be filming the Open, not playing in it?
  • Brendan Jones
  • James Kingston
  • Hunter Mahan - honestly, that's his name!
  • Anthony Millar - the US Open had Kris Kox as its spelling mistake; the Open has Anthony
  • Paul Sheehan
  • Ian Spencer
  • Andre Stolz
  • Daniel Sugrue - perhaps that's how they spell 'sugar' in Ireland, where Daniel comes from?
  • Brett Taylor - no, just because he's called Brett doesn't mean he's American. He's English.
  • Steven Tiley (A)
  • Yoshinobu Tsukada - you guessed! He's from Japan too
  • Simon Wakefield - can Simon wake up the field?
  • Paul Wesselingh - they say empty wessels make the most sound...
  • Sean Whiffin - sure to be toppin' an' shankin', an' probably missin' after Friday
  • Andrew Willey - or won'tey?
  • Ben Willman - where there's a will, man, there's a way...
  • Stuart Wilson (A) - Stuart is the reigning Amateur Champion; can he beat the unknown pros?
May the best man win.
 
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