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Golfing sheep deb-ewes down under! |
March 14, 2004; Source: AnyoneForTeeFirst there was Wie, now there's Ewe! Sensation in New Zealand as cloned sheep makes pro golf debut! By AnyoneForTee's Farming Correspondent Ivor Smallholding |
 NEW ZEALAND. First the golfing establishment was up in arms over the appearance of ladies' players such as Annika Sörenstam, Se Ri Pak and Laura Davies in hitherto men-only tournaments. Then 14-year old Hawaiian Michele Wie shocked the golfing world by taking on the male pros and nearly making the cut at the Sony Open earlier this year.But those stories pale in comparison to the furore being caused in New Zealand golfing circles, where a remarkable trained sheep has gained a special exemption to play in the 2005 New Zealand Open.  Sean Flees is a cloned product of the genetic engineers at the New Zealand Sheep Breeding Institute (SBI), a popular career path for lonely young men down under. The SBI had been attempting to diversify in the face of a global move away from red meat towards healthier diets when it chanced upon a strange phenomenon in the sheep grazing land that borders the 8th hole at Eketahuna Golf Club in Wairarapa, New Zealand.SBI chief executive officer Reza Herd was amazed after having apparently driven his ball out of bounds on the hole only to find it being knocked back into the fairway with a neat clip of the hoof by a young, freshly shorn lamb. Originally dismissing it as a fluke, he was stunned to see precisely the same thing happen the next day. "At that point, we knew we were on to something," Herd told Anyone For Tee. "We started throwing balls over to her, encouraging her and within an hour she was knocking them onto the green from 150 yards out - with backspin!"  Herd knew he had to act fast if word was not to get out before he had the diversification plan for the entire New Zealand farming industry assured. The lamb was quickly taken into captivity and kept in test conditions in a specially-constructed pen on the Eketahuna driving range. "We kept thinking, if she can hit the ball 150 yards on the hoof, what could she do with a t-ewe iron?" said Herd. Nor did the possibilities stop at golf. Herd knew that if a sheep with no training could display such talent in one sport, such hand-eye coordination could easily be transferred to other sports. With the country's famous All Blacks in apparent freefall, Herd knew he might well have the next Jonah Lom-ewe or Shorn Fitzpatrick on his hands."It's just a matter of diversifying into other fields," said Herd. "After all, on a 50,000 acre farm, there’s plenty of room!"  In the following months, the sheep, now known as Eunice, was the subject of intense skills-training from some of the region's top golf coaches, including veteran Australian PGA touring pro, Bob Shearer. A secret deal was struck with Ram golf clubs to ensure Eunice could attain greater distance. But to the disappointment of everyone, as Eunice grew into Ewe-hood using real clubs, she developed a chronic slice and a bad sheep dip in form. "At one stage she even had a case of the lamb shanks," Herd recalls. " and we knew that no-one would want mutton dressed up as lamb on the PGA tour." It was then that the idea of cloning struck. Inspired by the example of Dolly [1996-2003, Rest-in-Pen], the original cloned sheep, Herd decided to clone Eunice with a human golfer. In the deep south of New Zealand, where men are men and sheep are nervous, there was no shortage of volunteers and a few months later Sean Flees was born, the son of a Ewe called Eunice and a 12 handicapper from Eketahuna who has asked to remain anonymous.The results were astounding. Within weeks, Sean was able to wield a Ram driver like a veteran, hitting the ball over 350 yards with a controlled fade or draw. Apart from a disconcerting tendency to eat the fairway as he walked towards his ball - a likely deterrent to any wild card entry to the Masters at Augusta - Sean appeared to have the complete game. Gone were the slices and lamb shanks of his mother, and in their place was a perfect all round game that saw the young Flees not only make the cut-let but triumph by 14 shots in a specially-arranged series of matches against older sheep from the same pasture as his mother at Eketahuna.  To preserve secrecy, the course was designated strictly off limits to all outsiders for the duration of the match. Special fencing (known in New Zealand as baa-baa-ed wire) was erected all around the perimeter, with the New Zealand army, navy and air force (15 soldiers, one sheep dog, three shepherds armed with land-to-air crooks, a ewe-boat and a crop-duster fighter jet) guarding the fence every few hundred yards in the area codenamed "Ewe Secrecy Operation Pen", or "Ewe S.O.Pen" for short."After he won, we knew it was time to let Sean play with the pros," recalls Herd. "Ok he'd won the Grand Slamb among his peer group, but we knew that other fields beckoned. We reckoned he could go all the way to Augusta - or the next Open at St Andr-ewes."  After top-secret talks with prime minister Helen Clark and a sheepish Minister of Agriculture Jim Mutton, the SBI sought permission from the New Zaland PGA to let Sean play in the 2005 NZ Open. Thanks to the generous sponsorship of the Eketahuna Rotary Society, the tournament is set to be played on Sean's home course, to help ease him through any first round nerves.But when the story broke on New Zealand's prime-time farming programme "N-ewes at Ten", a furious row broke out. "Our sheep are becoming laughing stock," raged Shadow Minister of Agriculture Corrie Dale.  Reaction among local golfers was mixed. The country's most famous golfer, former Open winner Bob Charles (himself a farmer) said: "It doesn't look right to me, but then again as a leftie nothing ever does."  But New Zealand number one Michael Campbell said people should stop complaining and just get on with it. "If you can't bleat them, join them," he said, adding that he would be prepared to play a skins game with Sean Flees any time.Predictably, Aussie superstar Greg Norman was less amused. "You can't pull the wool over my eyes," he said. "This is just the thin end of the wedge. What's next? Women... oh that's right, we've got them already."  Whatever local reaction, the controversy seems set to give New Zealand another surge of world publicity. Sky Sports is sending award-winning commentator Ewean Murray over to cover the event. And Oscar-winning director Peter Jackson is rumoured to have signed up the exclusive rights with Eweniversal Studios to Eunice and Sean's story as the follow up to his Lord of The Rings trilogy triumph. Once again, Jackson plans to film the drama in three parts. The first tells the story of how Eunice's golfing skills overcame male chauvinism among her peer group, and is called 'Silence of The Rams'; the second is a heartfelt love story of how a young man from Eketahuna and a delightful young Ewe met and produced a champion, called 'Ewe've got male'; and the third and final in the series, 'Free Woolly', tells how Sean overcame prejudice and threats of being covered with mint sauce to join the professionals in the 2005 Open. Meryl Sheep will play Eunice, Sean Penn the young Flees and Rustler Crowe the farmer who started it all. A special director's cutlet will be available. Meanwhile, the SBI's Reza Herd was unapologetic about the fuss. "This is just the start of a new era in New Zealand sport and society in general," he told Anyone For Tee. "Next year we're inviting Tiger Woods down to Eketahuna to see our work. Who knows, a chance introduction beside the kiwi statue, a couple of drinks at the Eketahuna Arms, a late night walk in the fields under the moonlit southern skies and... who knows..."COMMENT: What do you think? Should Sean be allowed to play in next year's NZ Open? Will his appearance enhance or sheepen the game's image? Pen your v-ewes on sheep golf to ewehaveyoursay@anyonefortee.com. We'll publish the best letters. |
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