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PGA boss falls victim to Dubya-MD! |
June 5, 2004; Source: AnyoneForTee World ExclusivePGA Chief Executive and Singing Cowboy sacked by George Bush in spelling mix-up! |
 US. Jim Awtrey, the Chief Executive Officer of the US PGA, has resigned after being made the scapegoat for the failure of the Bush administration’s policy on Iraq.The shock news has stunned the US and world golfing and political communities. Awtrey, a popular and respected CEO of the Professional Golfers Association since his appointment in 1988, was expected to continue in the role for many years.  But all that changed on Thursday when President George Bush told a hastily-convened press conference that Mr Awtrey was stepping down for 'personal reasons' and congratulated him for being 'a strong and able leader' who had done 'a superb job' for the American people, and their greens.While political commentators scrambled to see why a sporting executive had been blamed for the loss of US credibility in Iraq, Anyone For Tee can exclusively reveal that Awtrey’s departure is due to an unfortunate confusion by the American president over his letters.  Although he had been briefed to explain to the nation that George Tenet, the director of the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency) had stepped down, President Bush accidentally got CIA mixed up with PGA. This was later attributed to him having just watched a re-run of a golf instruction video by his favourite pro, 'Swinging Chad' Campbell, before the press conference. "My fellow Alaskans... er... Americans," said the president in an address to the nation, "yesterday we received news of the departure of PGA ECO, I mean CEO Jim Awtrey. I met with Jim last night at the wrong house, I mean the White House, and I accepted his resignation with regret."As shocked White House aids tried to signal to the President that he was getting his letters confused, the unfazed leader ploughed into even worse trouble.  "Let us not forget what he did for our great nation in the cause of freedom and liberty. Our golf links are safer places today thanks to the sterling work of him and his brave men. He’s been a strong leader in the war on terror and no-one will ever try to blow up one of our golf courses ever again. "I will miss George, Jim... Gene very much. My fellow Appalachians, let us not forget what agencies like the PGA, the ICA and the FIB do for our country. He...who?... Gene... Gene Autry was the kind of singing cowboy you like to work with. He was strong, resolute, he sang in key. I watched all his movies, Back in the Saddle, Blue Montana Skies you name it. Of course that was in the days when I was doing a lot of pretzels and drink. And what about Champion the Wonder Horse who did so much for the causes of freedom and justice and liberty and made that neat clip-clop-clip-clop sound just like Daddy did when he used to chase Mom around the White House kitchen. And talking of horses, what about Mr Ed the talking horse (pictured below right)? "Only in America, the land of freedom and democracy and justice, is a horse allowed free speech..... Wilbur!!!!!" At that point as the president burst into an uncannily accurate impersonation of the famous TV talking horse from the 1960s sitcom, the live link to the nation was mysteriously lost.  But the damage was done. The president's top advisors, including Secretary of State Colin Powell and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld hastily convened with the president, and Anyone For Tee reliably understands that in the interests of the administration’s credibility it was agreed that Jim Awtrey had to go. Gene Autry was less of a problem as he died in 1998, though Champion the Wonder Horse (above left) is reported to be none too pleased. When a chastened Mr Bush pointed out that there was no link whatsoever between the US PGA and weapons of mass destruction, Rumsfeld pointed out, "A little thing like that’s never stopped us before Mr President!"
"Awtrey has to go," added Powell, "It’s as simple as ABC.""Gee, that difficult huh?" the president replied. However, PGA chief Jim Awtrey has lashed out at his forced resignation. "I am a scapegoat for the regime’s spelling failures," he told Anyone For Tee. 
Senior democrats too were quick to seize on the President’s gaffe. "There’s been an intelligence failure at the White House," said Democratic presidential candidate Senator John Kerry, "but that’s nothing new." [Note: All may not be lost for the Bush regime. As previously reported exclusively by Anyone For Tee, evidence of Saddam Hussein’s weapons of mass destruction have been discovered – buried on a Baghdad golf course! Read on here for chilling evidence of how the Iraqi dictator planned to menace the world with a Great Big Bertha II 415 Titanium Driver pointed towards Israel and Titleless balls packed with deadly explosives and mustard gas.] Publishers' Disclaimer: We wish to assure our many American readers that this article in no way attempts to impugn President Bush’s intelligence. He regularly used to beat brother Jeb - pictured right answering a tough question - in the Bush family’s spelling A tests (they never got to B). And Anyone For Tee has discovered that the president is also a fully paid-up member of high-IQ society MENSA (American National Spelling Mistake Examination), as well as having a Masters of Business Administration (BAM) degree from Yale University. |
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