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Monty nearly bolts after lightning strike!

June 11, 2004; Source: AnyoneForTee
Scottish star threatens to storm out after first flash of brilliance in months
By our fleet-footed electrical storm correspondent "Lightning" Rod Conductor

SCOTLAND. Famously temperamental golfing star Colin Montgomerie lashed out at organizers of the Diageo Open at Gleneagles in Scotland this week after a lightning strike caused players and spectators to flee the course.

"Someone could be killed out here," said Montgomerie seconds before play was suspended, in what petrified spectators originally thought was just an extreme reaction to him missing another short putt.

The Ryder Cup star was among 78 players still on the course in the £1.4 million event when the European Tour's lightning equipment suddenly went straight from all-clear to red alert and sounded the alarm. Within minutes of the event being halted the fairways and greens were flooded (left) and it was nearly three hours before players could resume their round.

Despite returning to card a creditable one-under-par 71 that left him four behind leaders Nick O'Hern and Miles Tunnicliff, ‘Monty’ had the knives out after the lightning forks.

"All year I’ve been striving for a flash of brilliance – and that’s what I get for my efforts, nearly hit by lightning," he snapped at reporters during a hastily-convened press conference. "I haven’t felt so scared since that time I stole a sandwich from Craig Stadler’s lunchbox."

The golfer threatened to quit the tournament, claiming the storm had been too close for comfort, and said the players should have been called off the course earlier. Fellow pro Raphaël Jacquelin of France (left), playing two groups ahead of Monty, spotted sheet lightning in the clouds and could be heard shouting "Sheeeeet - lightning!"

However officials believe that Monty himself was responsible for the failure in the early warning system. Anyone For Tee has learned that the Gleneagles anti-lightning equipment went off half an hour earlier after being confused by the intense heat and rage emanating from Monty after he duffed a chip and three-putted for a birdie on the 12th hole. When a real storm happened subsequently, there had been no time to reset the machinery (below).

Speaking on the strict condition of anonymity, a red-faced official called Thomas J Allan of Flat A, 15 Fife Street, Perth (Tel. 01738 611904), told us later: "What do you expect? This equipment is sensitive. Monty had a face like thunder all day long and kept setting it off. We didn’t expect the real thing so soon afterwards!"

But Monty would not be consoled. "I’ve weathered a few storms this year but nothing like this," he stormed. "I guess that means my European rain is over."

The press conference then descended into mayhem after Anyone For Tee suggested Monty was no stranger to lightning bolts – usually from majors in a limousine after 36 holes. A discernible electrical crackle could be seen emanating from both the golfer’s ears before he offered to place his 5-iron in a position within your correspondent’s anatomy where lightning was unlikely to reach.

Editor's note: Anyone For Tee can reveal that lightning is one of the most common forms of death caused by golf. Another is letting your mobile phone ring when in a gallery following Nick Faldo. But the number one cause of golf-related deaths (12) over the past decade remains asking Monty at a press conference whether he worries about not having won a Major.

Less than a year ago, a Monty tantrum during a press-conference was responsible for the great blackout that plunged millions of people in the north-eastern US and parts of Canada into darkness after the first round of the USPGA (story here). In Monty's defence, Anyone For Tee also revealed (here) during the 2003 Volvo Masters in Valderrama last November that he is descended from the inventor of the modern steam-engine, James Watt, which explains his tendency to behave like a human version of the Old Faithful geyser.

Each year lightning is responsible for over 100 deaths in the US, mostly on golf courses, in fishing boats on lakes or rivers, and even on athletic tracks. Medical authorities suggest a good safeguard against being hit is to hold up a flat fish killed by an earlier storm – as lightning never strikes twice in the same plaice. Lightning (like any electrical current) takes the route that offers least resistance, and as humans are 65% water (in Monty’s case of the hot variety, and all found under the collar), they conduct well, which explains why Leonard Bernstein always refused to play golf.

Six times major champion Lee Trevino was hit by lightning during the Western Open in 1975, but famously said he remained more scared of his wife. Lee also had advice for fellow golfers caught outdoors in stormy weather, saying "When God wants to play through, you'd better step aside" and "Hold up a 1-iron and walk. Even God can't hit a 1-iron."

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