  |
|
 |
Bush blames terrorists for Masters rain! |
|
April 9, 2005; Source: AnyoneForTee President Bush blames anti-sunny insurgents as rain wrecks Masters opening! "They’re sh'ites," he says |
US. President George W. Bush says suspected terrorist activity lies behind the rain-ruined opening to this year’s Masters. Having had his day on the White House sofa wrecked by conditions that made Augusta wetter than a ginger-ale sodden pretzel, the President alarmed his minders by making an emergency state of the nation address (right). In it he blamed "insurgents and enemies of freedom and the American Way" for ruining his favourite TV programme. "My fellow Appalachians... Alaskans... Arkansawrians... Avalanches... er... Apaches... no... Americans!!!" he began uncertainly, as he struggled to read from his auto-cue. "I speak to you at a moment of grave national danger. Pause, look to the left and smile warmly. Those who despise freedom and democracy are among us, mingling with us, posing as us, trying to wreck the game we love so much and hold to our hearts. I see the Axis of Evil extending its testi... tentacles into the American Heartland. Turn towards right hand auto-cue and look concerned."Our intelligence – well actually it’s all my intelligence – shows that these enemy agents are Sh’ites. In fact like John Daly’s game on the first day [he shot 80 – Ed], they’re completely shite," the President smirked. "Everyone knows the Sh’ites are the enemies of the sunnys, so they’ve made it rainy!"   The President claimed that Augusta National Chairman Hootie Johnson (left) had confirmed the presence of militants on the course. "I just knew that Martha Burke [pictured right, Head of the National Council of Women's Organizations and a long time campaigner against Augusta's 'Men only' membership policy - Ed] had an anti-sunny disposition and this proves it," he continued. The President claimed that the anti-sunny militants had perfected a special formula to create acid rain over Augusta, ensuring wet conditions that would see the Americans players slide down the leaderboard, cause slippages on the course ("an erosion of the American fair way") and "completely ruin the avazelias.... azavalias... and the RhodeIslanders... rodeos... rhodidoodas... hell... all those pink flowers by the greens." Asked at the subsequent press conference if security would be intense on the remaining days, the President replied: "Hell yes, in the tents, the clubhouse and on the course too!" Have you spotted an anti-Sunny militant among the crowd at Augusta? If so, please e-mail us on our special anti-terrorist hotline (which is linked by satellite to the US Department of Homeland Security - confidentiality guaranteed) at: teebox@AnyoneForTee.com. |
| Back to top |
|
This page © Copyright 2005 by Duffersgolf |
 |
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|