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Computer to decide Augusta showdown
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April 10, 2003; Source: AnyoneForTee Exclusive
Rain ruins Martha v Hootie Masters showdown - but computer clash will give added byte
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 AUGUSTA. The rain that forced the postponement of the first day of the Masters for 64 years has also washed out any chance of an Augusta “Battle of the Sexes” showdown between women's rights campaigner Martha Burk and Augusta National Golf Club chairman Hootie Johnson. (See story April 7).
As exclusively revealed by AnyoneForTee, an anonymous benefactor had put up a US$5 million winner takes all prize for a match play golfing showdown between the two bitter rivals. The contest could have been the biggest Battle of the Sexes since the famous 1973 tennis grudge match between women's star Billie-Jean King and businessman (and former male tennis star) Bobby Riggs.
While neither Burk nor Johnson had agreed to the contest, we understood both were sorely tempted by the sum on offer and the opportunity to settle their score in an emphatic and very public way. “Rain or no rain, Hootie should have played,” complained a source close to the chairman, “Martha would have been so worried about ruining her hair-do that she would have missed anything inside 6 feet.”
 Martha insiders were quick to deny charges that the weather was to blame for her failure to take up the challenge, claiming such criticism was typical of the sexism that had led to the showdown in the first place. “The rain simply proves that God is a woman,” a spokeswoman said triumphantly.
But a modern day solution is at hand.  Now that the rain has ruined a pre-Augusta showdown, AnyoneForTee has teamed up with the US Department of Commerce's National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) to prepare a special super-computer simulated version of the Martha v Hootie clash. Ironically, the immensely powerful computer normally produces weather forecasts.
This concept, similar to the famous virtual Heavyweight Championship of All Time between boxing legends Rocky Marciano and Muhammad Ali, shown on TV on January 20, 1970 (the computer gave Marciano the victory with a KO in the 13th round), will mean that every hard drive, iron and of course computer chip of this crucial game can be seen exclusively on AnyoneForTee in the coming weeks.
 All relevant particulars about the two’s playing ability (Hootie plays off 13, Martha off a specially created 72 as she has only played once, badly, in her life), temperament and even their sartorial shortcomings (significant because of their effect on the empathy of the gallery) will be fed into the super-computer and hole-by-hole coverage, with commentary by Peter Alliss, will be available, free of charge, to viewers of AnyoneForTee.
Watch this space for details.
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