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Travel Retail Chapter"Desperate" Dan Crap-pell celebrates being 21 again! |
 September 6 2003; Source: AnyoneForTeeFrom our UAE correspondent, Sandy Lye ABU DHABI. "Desperate" Dan Cappell has shocked the golfing world by being re-handicapped to 21 (a Duffers handicap of 49), we learn. Crap(Can't Read a Putt)-pell, as he is popularly known, moved last year to Abu Dhabi as he was so familiar with being in sand, and to avoid water. He has long been renowned as one of the Travel Retail industry's worst players - on a (three over) par with Sunil Tuli - but more importantly, as one of its biggest bandits.  Playing off 28, despite daily training sessions with the professional at the Al Ghazal Golf Club, Crap-pell is reliably understood to have siphoned off large sums of money from senior aviation and retail professionals in the Emirate of Abu Dhabi."Enough is enough," one respected and tall Egyptian source told AnyoneForTee from his office adjacent to Crap-pell's, on condition of remaining anonymous. "We have contacts in this region and we have taken the necessary steps to ensure that Mr Crap-pell never takes our money again. A clearly shocked Crap-pell, aged 47 and then some, said he had never expected to see 21 again. "How can I top up my salary now?" he wailed. "This was a guaranteed tax-free allowance." |
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Added a proud Al Ghazal pro: "I hadn't seen a swing like that since my school playground. Everyone said he was beyond redemption but his new handicap proves there's hope for even the world's least talented golfers." Crap-pell, Vice-President of the DGC Travel Retail Chapter, is expected to make his tournament debut with his new handicap in the Bahrain Duty Free 10th anniversary Open later this month. The combination of a night on the turps and a 21 handicap is expected to net him around 3 stableford points. |
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