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Martha v Hootie showdown on the tee |
 May 13, 2003; Source: AnyoneForTee.comAugusta “Battle of the Sexes” computer showdown is programmed and ready |
 AUGUSTA. After weeks of preparation, the long-awaited match between National Council of Women's Organizations Chairwoman Martha Burk and Augusta National Chairman Hootie Johnson is finally ready to be played out on a US Department of Commerce super-computer. The outcome of the game may determine whether or not women will be allowed to become members of Augusta National Golf Club, home of the Masters.As reported exclusively in AnyoneForTee, an anonymous benefactor had earlier put up a US$5 million winner-takes-all prize for a match play golfing showdown between the two bitter rivals, but heavy rain in the lead up to the Masters tournament in April washed out any chance of the match over Augusta's hallowed fairways. But undeterred, and determined to see the score settled, AnyoneForTee has joined forces with the Department of Commerce's National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) to use a state of the art super-computer, capable of 5 trillion arithmetic computations per second, to simulate the grudge-match in the minutest detail.  Based in Boulder, Colorado, the "JET" computer normally puts its 5 TeraFLOPS of data-processing power into producing weather forecasts, but has now been programmed with exhaustive data about the playing ability of the two protagonists, so that not a slice, fluff, yip or top is left to chance. Hootie will play off his regular Augusta handicap of 13, while Martha has been given a specially created handicap of 72, as she has only played once, badly, in her life.  Every conceivable variable, from the topography of Augusta's holes and the grain of the greens, to the playing characteristics of their chosen clubs and golf balls, the local knowledge of their caddies and even right down to the temperament and the sartorial shortcomings of the players (significant because of their effect on the empathy of the gallery, also simulated), has been fed into the super-computer.The format is match play under handicap, so Martha will be receiving 44 shots from Hootie, or two shots a hole everywhere, except for the holes with stroke indices between 1 and 8, where she will receive three shots. In the event of a tie after 18 holes, they will go on to a sudden-death playoff.  At their simulated pre-match press conferences, both players were in confident mood. Hootie reiterated that he would not be "bullied, threatened or intimidated" into admitting female members at Augusta "at the point of a bayonet", and would make his experience as a former single-handicap (8) player tell against the novice Martha. He drew much laughter from the assembled world press when he revealed the "Drive Burk out" golf balls (see above left) he would be using for the match. Martha scored early psychological points at her press briefing when she revealed that she had been working out in the gym with a well-known boxing coach, improving both her fitness and her hand-eye coordination. After a feisty rebuttal of Hootie's arguments in favour of the Augusta 'Men Only' policy, she left the briefing with a Churchillian 'V for Victory' sign. The match begins on Friday, May 16, and the weather forecast is ideal, with sunny, warm and dry conditions and a light breeze swirling among the Augusta pines. The course is still running rather slower than usual after the heavy rains of Masters week, which might be expected to give a slight advantage to Hootie, playing off the members' tees. Martha is however being allowed to use the forward-most tees, which should compensate for her lack of length.You can read an exclusive hole-by-hole report on the great Augusta showdown on AnyoneForTee.com every day from Saturday 17 onwards until the outcome is decided, with expert analysis by Peter Alliss. Don't miss it! You can also follow the match score in detail on the official Augusta National scorecard by clicking here. |
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