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For the record: a statement from the publishers of AFT

June 6, 2003;  Source: AnyoneForTee.com
Anyone For Tee publishers deny allegations over nationality

Following potentially ruinous allegations about their respective nationalities, Martin and Clive have asked that the following statements be published. Having thus set the record straight, they now reserve the right to take legal action in the event of fresh slurs on their characters.

Martin on his lamb-rettaMartin Moodie (seen here on his way to work)

"I categorically deny being an Englishman, or a Pom as they're better known down under," said Martin. "This could ruin my reputation back at the Whataroa canoe club and my local Duffer's Golf Club chapter."

"New Zealand gave the world Sir Edmund Hilary, who climbed Everest, England gave the world Ian Duncan-Smith, who can't climb the ratings. New Zealand gave the world Kiri te Kanawa, England gave the world Posh Spice. New Zealand gave the world Bob Charles, the first left hander to win the Open, England gave the world Tim Henman, who would have a better chance of winning an Open if he DID play left handed. I rest my case. No, hold on, I don't."

"New Zealand gave the world that gorgeous little ewe Flossy who... well, let's just say I was young and badly advised... England gave the world Liz Hurley. NOW, I rest my case! By the way, you know why they call Poms "piles" in New Zealand don't you? Because they come out, they stay out and they're a pain in the... but I digress."

Would you buy a bottle of cognac from this man?Clive Carpenter (seen here at work)

"I categorically deny being a Kiwi," retorted Clive. "Being taken for an Antipodean livestock rustler, where men are men and the sheep are nervous is an insult to a true Englishman."

"I come from the same stock that gave the world King Arthur, who burned the cakes, King Henry VI, who burned Joan of Arc, King Henry VIII, who beheaded two wives and divorced two more, and Queen Victoria, who was not amused."

"Then there's Prince Charles, who talks to plants. Well, I talk to my golf ball and with about as much response... but I digress."


 
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